If you can’t beat ‘em, join ’em, but only in reference to assembling these two goddamn IKEA parts for a lounge chair, which, after beating them together out of frustration, I finally found the section where they’re supposed to join, but, Christ, spending three hours on a Saturday for this is not worth the discount.
Teddy Wayne’s
Unpopular Proverbs
- - - -
Teddy Wayne is the author of the novels Kapitoil and The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
See all articles from this column
- - - -
Competitiveness.
BY Teddy Wayne
- - - -
See all articles from this column
SUGGESTED READS
Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Elephant in the Ikea-Furnished Roomby Chloe Bland (1/30/2004)
How to Make Your Own Proverbs
by Russell Bradbury-Carlin (1/8/2004)
List: Rethinking Horse Proverbs
by Joseph O'Brien (5/3/2004)
RECENTLY
Fancy Jeans are the Future of This Companyby Pete Reynolds (4/10/2013)
Position Papers from the Apple Pie and Machine Guns Institute: Position Paper #11: The Endangered Species Elimination Act
by Stuart Winchester (4/10/2013)
Reviews of New Food
by Various New Food Tasters (4/10/2013)
POPULAR
I Would Like to Be Popeby John Ortved (2/25/2013)
Monologue: I’m Comic Sans, Asshole.
by Mike Lacher (6/15/2010)
Nate Silver Offers Up a Statistical Analysis of Your Failing Relationship
by Jory John (2/26/2013)

