Did final library sweep. It’s empty and quiet. I miss the chaos already.

about 1 minute ago from web

When people ask what I do at work, I can tell them I help mentally challenged people stalk celebrities. How can I not like this job?

about 3 minutes ago from web

A mentally challenged man just asked me for Ozzie Osbourne’s mailing address.

about 4 minutes ago from web

I love the sound of computers shutting down at night.

about 7 minutes ago from web

Man wants to know where the VHS movies are. I can’t believe people still have VHS.

about 11 minutes ago from web

Why are teenage girls so excited to read A Child Called It?

about 13 minutes ago from web

Man comes to desk to show me the book he found on the book sale shelf. He’s so excited for the find. Says he’ll sell it on eBay.

about 16 minutes ago from web

Diana never texts back; apparently she’s not impressed with the observation.

about 23 minutes ago from web

Text Diana to tell her about the smell.

about 25 minutes ago from web_

I think a man sprayed down the stall with cheap cologne to cover up the smell of his crap; it’s hard to say which smells worse.

about 26 minutes ago from web_

After I leave the computer room, a man runs to me and complains the men’s room is out of toilet paper.

about 29 minutes ago from web

Page brags about all the things he is doing in college. Makes me feel both old and sad.

about 30 minutes ago from web

Battery on man’s computer dies, and he has no choice but to leave.

about 45 minutes ago from web

Man doesn’t want to leave. I tell man the class is over. He’s trying to avoid leaving because he wants to watch the end of a YouTube video.

about 47 minutes ago from web

Help man find the image on a Nevada state quarter. He tells me it’s the best class he’s ever been to.

about 52 minutes ago from web

Man tells me at the end of class that he is sad because I didn’t cover what he came here to learn: what image is on Nevada’s quarter.

about 53 minutes ago from web

Proud grandpa blurts out, “Limewire! That’s what my grandson uses!”

about 1 hour ago from web

Woman tells class they don’t have to buy music/movies, because there’s a free program called Limewire. Her son told her it wasn’t illegal.

about 1 hour ago from web

Weird question #2: Is it possible to find a friend’s social security number on the Internet?

about 2 hours ago from web

Man says computer turned off and he didn’t do anything. Later admits he pushed the power button because he wanted to see what it would do.

about 2 hours ago from web

Guy mentions smart grandson again … I’m pretty sure the grandson is illegally downloading computer programs; I don’t tell man this.

about 2 hours ago from web

Weird question #1: Is it true the government keeps track of your e-mail to see if you don’t pay taxes?

about 2 hours ago from web

Took five minutes, but one guy got in a “grandson is so computer smart” comment. Now the weird questions…

about 2 hours ago from web

I just know at least one person is going to mention their grandson. Guarantee it.

about 2 hours ago from web

About to start the class. About 20 people. Half look like beginners. At least two will definitely ask weird questions.

about 2 hours ago from web

I love this class … people are always amazed by everything I show them. It’s all new to them.

about 2 hours ago from web

Look at schedule to see what class I’m supposed to be teaching tonight. It’s computer basics.

about 2 hours ago from web

Setting up room for computer class. I hate when people knock on the door and ask when the 6:30 computer class starts.

about 2 hours ago from web

Leaving for lunch.

about 3 hours ago from web

Half my time in this room is spent telling kids not to run. What is so appealing about running in a library?

about 3 hours ago from web

Find thirty-page book; mother asks if I’m sure there’s nothing shorter.

about 3 hours ago from web

Mother asks for help finding the shortest book on her son’s reading list.

about 3 hours ago from web

See boy leaving the library. I can’t believe he’s not taking me up on the airplane contest challenge.

about 3 hours ago from web

Boy wants book on how to make paper airplanes. I challenge him to a paper airplane contest.

about 3 hours ago from web

Man asks about the computer class. I forgot I was teaching a computer class tonight … that usually makes the night go by quicker.

about 3 hours ago from web

Less than one hour until my dinner break.

about 3 hours ago from web

Two boys stand sadly near the computer room, waiting for story time to be over so they can play Internet games again.

about 3 hours ago from web

Small girl proudly shows me the crafts she made, and asks her mother if she gets to come to story time next week.

about 4 hours ago from web

Storyteller looks so tired. I’m glad I don’t have to read stories anymore.

about 4 hours ago from web

Kids have started doing a craft in the middle of the kid’s room.

about 4 hours ago from web

Girl asks for Super Diaper Baby. I thought she said Supreme Killer Baby.

about 4 hours ago from web

I can’t believe how many kids want to read Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

about 4 hours ago from web

Hardly anyone ever comes to the desk during story time. I like this part of the day.

about 5 hours ago from web

Story time is starting. “Happy and We You Know It” is playing. I hate that song.

about 5 hours ago from web

Mother complains that she can’t get on her MySpace page on the kids’ computer. She’s upset that it’s only available on adult computers.

about 5 hours ago from web

Small boy is crying that his mom left him. Find mother checking out books. She yells at him for getting lost.

about 5 hours ago from web

Turns out it was sink water. Take boy to mother, who is on the adult side using Internet. Seems upset that I’ve bothered her.

about 5 hours ago from web

Child complains that a kid keeps splashing him with toilet water in the bathroom.

about 5 hours ago from web

Man wanders into the kids’ room. Asked if he has a kid in the room, he says, “No. I’m just looking.” Kicked him out.

about 5 hours ago from web

Patron wants help finding two books on kangaroos that add up to exactly 100 pages.

about 6 hours ago from web

Patron needs a 100-page book on kangaroos for his daughter. Show him some that comes close to 100 pages.

about 6 hours ago from web

Switch to kids’ information desk.

about 6 hours ago from web

I don’t like breaking up fights. One day one of those little punks are going to stab me.

about 6 hours ago from web

Fight didn’t transpire. It appeared to be over an older guy with a tattoo on his head who was amused by the arguing.

about 6 hours ago from web

Patron just complained that two girls are about to fight in the park. This could be interesting.

about 6 hours ago from web

Staring blankly at the clock on the wall.

about 6 hours ago from web

Received a phone call asking if you needed a library card to check out books.

about 6 hours ago from web

Boy complains that vending machine took his money, but didn’t give him candy. It’s always taking money from kids.

about 6 hours ago from web

The find-a-job computer always entices me this time of day.

about 6 hours ago from web

The quiet room does indeed smell like pot, but I can’t figure out who it’s coming from.

about 7 hours ago from web

Woman complains that the quiet zone smells like pot.

about 7 hours ago from web

The men’s room is my least favorite place in the library.

about 7 hours ago from web

Receive a complaint about the men’s room being out of toilet paper; how is it humanly possible to go through a roll so quickly?

about 7 hours ago from web

Man wants to know my feelings on the president’s stimulus package. Explain I cannot discuss opinions at work.

about 7 hours ago from web

Woman wants to know why the library doesn’t carry medical textbooks. Try to explain cost and demand are the major factors. She’s not happy.

about 7 hours ago from web

A woman is using the libraries computer to watch Toy Story.

about 7 hours ago from web

Went to help man; he didn’t know the icon that said Internet was to open the Internet.

about 7 hours ago from web

Man comes to the desk insisting that his computer does not have Internet.

about 7 hours ago from web

My day would be so much easier without all the complaints.

about 7 hours ago from web

A man complains about a woman using her phone loudly; it is the woman who complained about the man smelling.

about 7 hours ago from web

Woman is back; says the man who smells is now talking on his cell phone. Return to man, but he is not on phone.

about 7 hours ago from web

Woman just complained about a man who smells bad; went near man, but didn’t smell anything. Suggest she sit somewhere else.

about 7 hours ago from web

Just went outside to write down plate # of car in handicap space, but it is already gone.

about 7 hours ago from web

Woman just told me to call the police because someone is parked in handicap w/o a sticker.

about 7 hours ago from web

Patron wants to know why our computer won’t let him log into e-mail. Ask what his e-mail address is. He can’t remember.

about 7 hours ago from web

Comment to another librarian how overly dramatic the film version of Twilight was.

about 8 hours ago from web

Tell girl how long the hold list is for New Moon … I remember when kids used to get emotional for Harry Potter. Times sure have changed.

about 8 hours ago from web

Diana text’d back telling me she misses me. It’s nice to be missed.

about 8 hours ago from web

Why did I become a librarian? I really need something to happen today to reassure me.

about 8 hours ago from web

Text wife to tell her work is boring

about 8 hours ago from web

Person complains about the library being too loud … I agree, but it’s a library, what do they expect?

about 8 hours ago from web

Computer patron back again; he meant #10 in the teen room. Tell him room is for teens only; tells me he doesn’t want computer anymore.

about 8 hours ago from web

Computer patron back; doesn’t like computer he’s assigned to. Asks to use computer #10.

about 8 hours ago from web

Ask patron not to talk on their cell phone. They explain that the cell phone designated area is too loud.

about 8 hours ago from web

Patron complains he can’t log into computer. Reassign him to new computer.

about 8 hours ago from web

Informed walking to reference desk that the men’s room is out of toilet paper. Change toilet paper.

about 8 hours ago from web

Check schedule at work to make sure I only work until six; turns out I work until nine. Hate when that happens.

about 8 hours ago from web

- - - -

To see this story irregularly unfold, you can follow Scott’s tweets @scottdouglas about 7 hours ago from web