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Dives Not Recognized by the Olympic Diving Committee.
Originally published July 9, 2001.
A forward double flip with one and one half twists with a half-caf half-decaf double espresso.
A forward 2 1/2 somersault while smoking a pipe and reading Remembrance of Things Past.
A back 1 1/2 somersault with 1 1/2 twists while contemplating the fleeting nature of athletic excellence.
A backward 2 1/2 somersault with 1 twist while ordering Chinese food on a cell phone.
An inward 2 1/2 somersault with 1 twist while in the sitting-on-the-toilet-reading-a-newspaper position.
A forward 3 1/2 somersault with the hand clap from the Friends theme song in a pike position.
A triple Lutz with a forward 1 1/2 somersault while wearing ice skates with a big splash.
An inward 3 1/2 somersault tuck while wearing a bulletproof vest and being shot at.
Moonwalking off the diving platform into a back 2 1/2 somersault with a crotch grab while playing the air guitar.
A forward 1 1/2 somersault while flapping arms and making airplane jokes.
A backward 1 1/2 somersault with 2 1/2 twists in the arms-wrapped-tightly- around-the-neck-so-it-looks-like-I’m- making-out-with-someone-from-behind position.
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