1. People who take cocaine, and people who take the drug that makes them love the sound of snorting.

2. People who take LSD, and people who take the drug that makes them turn paisley, and then melt.

3. Heroin addicts, and people who take the drug that makes them want to collect spoons and tin foil.

4. People who take PCP, and people who take the drug that makes cars fall on them constantly.

5. People who smoke pot, and people who take the drug that makes them bake Doritos compulsively.

6. People who take designer drugs, and the people who take the drug that encourages them to shop wholesale.

7. People who drink, and people who take the drug that makes them want to take punches and drag limp bodies down the street.

8. People who need people, and the people who take the drug that makes them the luckiest people.

9. People who take mescaline, and people who take the drug that makes them transform from a tree into a rooster, and fly far, far away, never to return.

10. People who accidentally swallow nails, and people who purposely swallow hammers.

11. People who take steroids, and the people who take the drug that makes them fat, with the strong desire to be lifted.

12. People who take ecstasy, and people who take the drug that makes them incredibly soft.

13. People who take horse tranquilizers, and horses that don’t need tranquilizing, thank you very much.

14. People who huff nitrous oxide, and people who take the drug that makes them prefer their ice-cream sundaes with unwhipped cream.