Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Embarrassing Things That Might Happen to You While Using a Lightsaber.
You turn it on while holding it backwards.
You make that sharp crackling noise with your mouth each time you clash it with your opponent’s lightsaber—having forgotten that the noise happens naturally.
You’ve given in to the Dark Side of the Force, so the beam is normally red. But you forget to replace the weak batteries in the thing, rendering it pink, and turning you into the laughingstock of the Empire.
You try to use it to cut your birthday cake, expecting the lightsaber to slice through the pastry as easily as it did Luke’s hand. Instead, the cake vaporizes the instant the lightsaber touches it, à la Obi-Wan.
You mistake it for a Popsicle.
SUGGESTED READSThis One’s a Keeper: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
by Jude Walsh (4/28/1999)
List: Lines of Star Wars Dialogue If Obi-Wan Kenobi Had Been Really, Really Depressed
by Greg Knauss (7/9/2001)
List: All of Chewbacca’s Dialogue in the Comic Book Version of The Empire Strikes Back
by Brian McMullen (9/3/2002)
RECENTLYA Generic College Paper
by Jon Wu (9/19/2014)
Norse History for Bostonians: The Prose Edda for Bostonians, Gylfaginning, Part X
by Rowdy Geirsson (9/19/2014)
List: Rejected Spaghetti Western Movie Titles
by Nancy Stohlman (9/19/2014)
POPULARClassic Movies Changed to Not Be Sexist
by Blythe Roberson (8/14/2014)
Best Joke Ever: Mitch Hedberg: Hippie Martian Zen Genius
by Mark Peters (8/28/2014)
It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (10/20/2009)