Teddy Wayne is the author of the novels Kapitoil and The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
When life gives you lemons, take those miracle fruit tablets that cause sour foods to taste sweet, then prepare a banquet of other acidic foods for your yuppie friends who are otherwise too timidly bourgeois to do drugs but are covertly bored with their conformity, and eat the lemons and grapefruit and vinegar and exclaim how they all taste so sweet, then when it’s finished, everyone should help clean up and politely thank the host for inviting them and leave at an appropriate time so no one’s tired for work the next day.
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