Teddy Wayne is the author of the novels Kapitoil and The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
BY Teddy Wayne
When life gives you lemons, take those miracle fruit tablets that cause sour foods to taste sweet, then prepare a banquet of other acidic foods for your yuppie friends who are otherwise too timidly bourgeois to do drugs but are covertly bored with their conformity, and eat the lemons and grapefruit and vinegar and exclaim how they all taste so sweet, then when it’s finished, everyone should help clean up and politely thank the host for inviting them and leave at an appropriate time so no one’s tired for work the next day.
SUGGESTED READSHow to Make Your Own Proverbs
by Russell Bradbury-Carlin (1/8/2004)
List: Rethinking Horse Proverbs
by Joseph O'Brien (5/3/2004)
Obscure Chinese Proverbs
by Dennis Mahoney (11/9/2004)
RECENTLYBoth Sides, Now
by Teddy Wayne (5/23/2013)
Big Mom on Campus: Raising Two Kids in a College Dorm: Final Exercises
by Taylor Harris (5/23/2013)
List: Ways to Tell If the New Student is an Undercover Cop
by Nathan Patton (5/23/2013)
POPULARI Would Like to Be Pope
by John Ortved (2/25/2013)
Monologue: I’m Comic Sans, Asshole.
by Mike Lacher (6/15/2010)
Nate Silver Offers Up a Statistical Analysis of Your Failing Relationship
by Jory John (2/26/2013)