Abandoned Joke Lists from the Bob’s Burgers Writer’s Room
Why we wrote these lists, we don’t even remember, but they will appear here occasionally through the magic of the Internet.
Facts About Australia.
You can only own a pet if it fits in the pouch of a kangaroo.
Everyone in Australia lives in the Sydney Opera House.
Paul Hogan personally awakens all Australian citizens each morning.
When you’re born in Australia, you are a koala until you turn five.
There are no such things as crocodiles.
If you’re having a waffle, you say you’re going on a waffle-bout.
If you’re dating Shelia E., you introduce her as your Shelia, Shelia E.
The toilets flush counter clockwise and all the clocks are toilets.
In the southern hemisphere, Australia is a palindrome.
When Hugh Grant and Jack Black go to Australia together they turn into Hugh Jackman. Otherwise he doesn’t exist.
You have to eat fifty shrimp a day.
The Great Barrier Reef is just okay.
Vegemite is sunscreen for sharks.
Russell Crowe stole his name from a bird name Russell the Crow. His real name is Tim White.
Sex is called stabbin’ the wallaby, flipping the rain-stick, or going to Perth on a train.
SUGGESTED READSList: Top Ten Favorite Movies List With an Entry That Reveals the List-Maker as Someone Only Pretending to Be an Assistant Professor of Cinema Studies at an Australian University
by A.S. Hamrah (7/9/2001)
List: Businesses in Sydney, Australia Beginning with Mr. or Mister
by Marko Mustac (7/22/2002)
It Was Just a Shark, An Interview with Rodney Fox, on Being Attacked, Surviving, and Returning to the Water, Part Two
by Steve Featherstone (4/27/2002)
RECENTLYWelcome to the Stay-at-Home Dads’ Grand Theft Auto Crew
by Ben Godar (3/11/2014)
Testomania: Are You Color Blind?
by Janet Manley (3/11/2014)
List: Captions for Models in Knitting Catalogs
by Olivia Ciacci (3/11/2014)
POPULAROpen Letters: An Open Letter to Men On the Subway, Specifically During Morning Rush Hour On the A Train Between Jay Street and Canal
by Jenna Clark Embrey (2/21/2014)
Kama Sutra for Couples Who Have Been Dating for Over Three Years
by Chelsea Davison (1/15/2014)
I Hope You Enjoy This Artisanal Knuckle Sandwich
by Keith Wisniewski (2/26/2014)