Fourteen regrettable ways to get out of another round of pretend-play, including feigning death and stepping on a Barbie crown.

Twelve 19th century novel titles that reflect my current parenting philosophy, including Jane Austen’s Persuasion and Henry James’ The Turning of the Screw.

Twenty-two ways to get yourself just sick enough to stay in bed but still able to finish Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, including sniffing the Pull-Ups pail and ingesting four packs of Alvin and the Chipmunk Gummies.

Nine comparisons between my toddler and my cleaning service, including the sheer volume of things they’ve broken and hidden, and the need to clean up before and after them.

One hundred and six new parenting-related illnesses to appear in the 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, including Lice-Literature-Lunacy and Repetitive Talking-To-a-Brick-Wall Disorder.