SEND YOUR MAN’S TEMPERATURE SOARING
Scrub with brush; remove eyes. Leave skin on if possible, or pare thin. (Rub skins with fat for soft skins; prick few hole with fork for steam to escape). Boil whole 30 min. Shake over low heat to dry, then serve buttered, with salt and pepper.
MASTURBATION MIND GAMES
h3 Kf7 5
WHAT MAKES HIM TICK
“If you can get close enough to him to insert the device,” T said, “you must be very careful to remove the filling first.”
THE WORLD’S FOUR HOTTEST MODELS
4. HMS Banckert Torpedo Boat Hunter 1/96th scale
3. Aristocraft Lil’ Critter B&O
2. Mini-craft Academy Titanic with Gold Medal Detail
1. Rockingham Station
HOW TO UNDRESS YOUR DATE
1. Jesus Christ was:
THREE EASY WAYS TO RELEASE HIS INNER ANIMAL
1. Scalpel, prepared in boiling water. Have towels handy.
2. Liverwurst on a fork, positioned against the upper palate.
3. A sainted woman on a dark street, fingering the Cross of St. Jude. Waxing crescent moon optional.
SUGGESTED READSAnother Example of the Illuminating Correspondence Between John Hodgman, Professional Literary Agent, and His Cousin, One ‘Josh,’ Who Aims to Be a Man of Letters
by John Hodgman (1/31/2000)
Josh Has No Idea How Much Some Writers Would Pay for the Advice He Gets for Free from John Hodgman, Professional Literary Agent. But Because Josh is His Cousin, John Provides His Guidance Happily, if Thanklessly
by John Hodgman (4/12/2000)
by Jamie Allen (9/24/2010)
RECENTLYHere at Cline Family Country Cabin, We Do Things a Little Differently
by Jeremiah Tucker (10/31/2014)
Facepalm Pilot — Vijith Assar Explores Intersections of Technology and Stupidity: Are Zombies Racist?
by Vijith Assar (10/31/2014)
List: Things a Real Estate Agent Shouldn’t Say When Trying to Sell a House That Was Once at the Center of a Popular Horror Movie
by Kerreanna DiMauro (10/31/2014)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
Security Questions for Single, Childless People
by Shannon Reed (10/3/2014)
List: Boat Parts or Names of Unvaccinated Children?
by Grant Pardee (10/6/2014)