SEND YOUR MAN’S TEMPERATURE SOARING
Scrub with brush; remove eyes. Leave skin on if possible, or pare thin. (Rub skins with fat for soft skins; prick few hole with fork for steam to escape). Boil whole 30 min. Shake over low heat to dry, then serve buttered, with salt and pepper.
MASTURBATION MIND GAMES
h3 Kf7 5
WHAT MAKES HIM TICK
“If you can get close enough to him to insert the device,” T said, “you must be very careful to remove the filling first.”
THE WORLD’S FOUR HOTTEST MODELS
4. HMS Banckert Torpedo Boat Hunter 1/96th scale
3. Aristocraft Lil’ Critter B&O
2. Mini-craft Academy Titanic with Gold Medal Detail
1. Rockingham Station
HOW TO UNDRESS YOUR DATE
1. Jesus Christ was:
THREE EASY WAYS TO RELEASE HIS INNER ANIMAL
1. Scalpel, prepared in boiling water. Have towels handy.
2. Liverwurst on a fork, positioned against the upper palate.
3. A sainted woman on a dark street, fingering the Cross of St. Jude. Waxing crescent moon optional.
SUGGESTED READSAnother Example of the Illuminating Correspondence Between John Hodgman, Professional Literary Agent, and His Cousin, One ‘Josh,’ Who Aims to Be a Man of Letters
by John Hodgman (1/31/2000)
Josh Has No Idea How Much Some Writers Would Pay for the Advice He Gets for Free from John Hodgman, Professional Literary Agent. But Because Josh is His Cousin, John Provides His Guidance Happily, if Thanklessly
by John Hodgman (4/12/2000)
by Jamie Allen (9/24/2010)
RECENTLY2014: A Facebook Odyssey
by Ben Jurney (8/29/2014)
I Like Big Brass and I Cannot Lie: Confessions from the Tuba World: You Tuba Players Can’t Deny
by Elizabeth Eshelman (8/29/2014)
List: Cartoon Character Revelations Inspired by the News that Hello Kitty is NOT a Cat
by Dorothy Bendel (8/29/2014)
POPULARAirplane Passengers as Explained By Their Pants
by Wendi Aarons (5/4/2012)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)
List: What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You
by John Peck (7/5/2011)