This is just like Christmas without the presents: Happy Thanksgiving!

So, so sorry I couldn’t make it to the 17 family fun events you scheduled: Happy Thanksgiving!

No, I’d rather not help with the cooking, but thank you for asking: Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, I have gained weight. Let’s discuss it at length while I cry into this slice of pecan pie: Happy Thanksgiving!

Please stop giving me romantic advice: Happy Thanksgiving!

As a matter of fact, yes, I STILL hate onions: Happy Thanksgiving!

Let’s wrap this up before the game starts: GO SPORTS! Happy Thanksgiving!

Please stop baiting me into a political debate. I know you haven’t changed your mind since 1985: Happy Thanksgiving!

I wish I hadn’t come: Happy Thanksgiving!

I am never going to accept your Facebook friend request, like ever: Happy Thanksgiving!

I will get there when I get there and I will leave when I leave: THIS IS NOT A DEBATE: Happy Thanksgiving!

I am grateful for the Internet: Happy Thanksgiving!

Does anyone even like turkey? Happy Thanksgiving!