ACCU-WEATHER GUY
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Mon.

Something grayish over Great Lakes. Snow? Accu-Radar a joke. Chance of precip … 20%? Chance I remembered to TiVo 24: 50%. Chance I’ll ever get to be sports guy: 5%. Chance I could take sports guy one-on-one: 2%. Lo tonite 28. Hi tomorrow 42.

Tues.

Raining c&dogs all day. Clueless abt tomorrow. More rain? Hi 35. News team makes me wear rain hat, slicker for 5:30 weathercast. Hate news team. Chance Sox will repeat: 100%! Three-peat: 100%! Lo tonite 28. Precip (rain) 70%.

Wed.

Snow. Lost $30 to news team. Accu-Radar shaped like butterfly. Chance things will work out w/ Danielle in Mktng: 10%. Can’t snow again. Clearing tonight, p/cloudy tomorrow, hi 38. Precip: No way.

Thurs.

Snow. Had to wear Russian hat for 5:30 cast, news team making gag/choke sounds off-mic. Warming, clear rest of week. Hi’s in 40s tmrw. No precip (60%). Chance Charlie on Lost will end up w/ Claire: 0

Fri.

Clear. Hate Fridays. News team drinks, once pantsed me during 11:00 cast. Whispered “hairpiece” tonite off-mic. Got flustered, mixed up Iowa w/ Kansas on Big Map, said “bosom” (for “Boston”) on-air. Continued clear, cooler (80%). Lo tonight around freezing.

Sat.

Snow. Lost $30 to news team. Russian hat. Snow snow snow. Chance MTV will pimp my ride: 0

Sun.

Snow. Bermuda high forming? Accu-Radar shaped like Buddha. Lost $30 to news team. Hate news team.

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SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
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Week 1

Snap: SNAP!!! SNAP!!! SNAP!!!
Crackle: CRACKLE!!! CRACKLE!!! CRACKLE!!!
Pop: POP!!! POP!!! POP!!!

Week 2

Snap: SNAP!! SNAP SNAP!
Crackle: CRACKLE CRACKLE! CRACKLE
Pop: POP!! POP!! POP!

Week 3

Snap: Snap SNAP! snap
Crackle: CRACKLE crackle crackle
Pop: Pop POP pop

Week 4

Snap: snap … snap … snap
Crackle: crackle … Crackle … crackle
Pop: pop … pop …

Week 5

Snap: snap
Crackle: crackle
Pop: pop

Week 6

Snap: pop
Crackle: snap
Pop: … ding-dong

Week 7

Snap: fffft
Crackle: oink
Pop: hey now

Week 8

Snap: …
Crackle: zzzzz
Pop: whuddup?