If Only They Kept Diaries: Barbie.
april (i think)
still getting my balance. these heels don’t help! loads of hot outfits. already tired of sucking in my gut. got to do something with this hair. everybody says wait till i meet ken.
if it’s still april. heard i’m getting a corvette. hope it’s better than this crappy beach house. not allowed to get a tattoo. thinking of becoming a stewardess. met ken. what a zero.
no smoking. no hanging out. no corvette. think my ass is getting big. can’t be a stewardess, but go-go dancer or doctor are ok. go figure. ohmigod. g.i. joe. hot!
joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe
may or june
what kind of name is midge? she’s had work done. ken says she looks like a hooker. i say except in the doctor’s outfit we all look like hookers. ken says not me, girlfriend.
june, for sure
had it with transformers. too confusing—now it’s a spaceship, now it’s a scissors, now it’s a hammer. like going out with a hardware store. got the corvette finally. pink.
had muppets over to penthouse. big mistake—too much history with kermit. midge still “borrowing” my clothes. she gets to be a stewardess. i get a princess phone. pink.
read midge’s diary. calls me “barfbie.” big fight, hair everywhere, tears (hers). calls me “cabbage patch.” i say, “you’ll never work in malibu again.” more tears.
ken says g.i. joe really likes midge and can we still be friends. i say midge = trash. ken says how about pinocchio. i say pinocchio = freak.
kermie kermie kermie kermie kermie
SUGGESTED READSThe Top Ten Censored Press Releases of 1998, No. 8
by McSweeney's Editors (1/27/1999)
Barbie is a Product of Her Environment
by Jan Edwards (11/30/2010)
Sestina: Playing with Dolls
by David Trinidad (8/13/2004)
RECENTLYCV of Personal Failures
by Casey Kait (5/24/2016)
List: Things About Bathrooms Actually Worth Getting Upset Over
by Annie Logue, Cynthia Smith McCollum and Stephany Aulenback (5/24/2016)
Reviews of New Food
by Various New Food Tasters (5/24/2016)
POPULARI Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
by Robin Lee Mozer (5/2/2016)
List: Things the World’s Most and Least Privileged People Say
by John-Clark Levin (5/19/2016)
List: Here Are Some Fucking Barefoot Contessa Cookbook Titles
by Micah Osler (9/30/2014)