If Only They Kept Diaries: Barbie.
april (i think)
still getting my balance. these heels don’t help! loads of hot outfits. already tired of sucking in my gut. got to do something with this hair. everybody says wait till i meet ken.
if it’s still april. heard i’m getting a corvette. hope it’s better than this crappy beach house. not allowed to get a tattoo. thinking of becoming a stewardess. met ken. what a zero.
no smoking. no hanging out. no corvette. think my ass is getting big. can’t be a stewardess, but go-go dancer or doctor are ok. go figure. ohmigod. g.i. joe. hot!
joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe
may or june
what kind of name is midge? she’s had work done. ken says she looks like a hooker. i say except in the doctor’s outfit we all look like hookers. ken says not me, girlfriend.
june, for sure
had it with transformers. too confusing—now it’s a spaceship, now it’s a scissors, now it’s a hammer. like going out with a hardware store. got the corvette finally. pink.
had muppets over to penthouse. big mistake—too much history with kermit. midge still “borrowing” my clothes. she gets to be a stewardess. i get a princess phone. pink.
read midge’s diary. calls me “barfbie.” big fight, hair everywhere, tears (hers). calls me “cabbage patch.” i say, “you’ll never work in malibu again.” more tears.
ken says g.i. joe really likes midge and can we still be friends. i say midge = trash. ken says how about pinocchio. i say pinocchio = freak.
kermie kermie kermie kermie kermie
SUGGESTED READSThe Top Ten Censored Press Releases of 1998, No. 8
by McSweeney's Editors (1/27/1999)
Barbie is a Product of Her Environment
by Jan Edwards (11/30/2010)
Sestina: Playing with Dolls
by David Trinidad (8/13/2004)
RECENTLYWanted: Holiday Husband
by Julie Daniel (11/21/2014)
How to Find Love: Lessons from an Old Maid: An Unfortunate Series of Unrequited Crushes
by Connie Sun (11/21/2014)
Open Letters: An Open Letter to My Beloved Woolly Armpits
by Jennifer Burns (11/21/2014)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
Why You Should Not Have Broken Up With Me, According to Various Critical Theories
by Tommy Wallach (11/3/2014)
A Small-Scale Organic Farmer Wants You to Know a Few Things
by Claire Boyles (10/20/2014)