Keeping Up With the Cardassians Episode Guide.
Garak gets busted for a DUI and is caught on tape assaulting the officer and blaming his troubles on Klingon bloodwine. The Cardassians are accused of using photon torpedoes on paparazzi who are trying to snap photos of them at the Playboy Mansion.
A sex tape featuring Legate Damar’s daughter Kata and two Ferengi club owners circulates around the Federation of Planets. Dukat posts a rant on his blog dissing Snoop Dogg and starts a West Coast–Delta Quadrant rap war.
Legate Damar’s daughters want Lil Wayne to sing at their sweet-16 party. After much convincing, Lil Wayne agrees to do it in exchange for a Galor-class starship with custom Romulan rims. Garak’s daughter Seska drops a record and sets out on a tour to promote her new single, “Touch My Nebula.”
Kata runs into the cast of The Hills at Forty Deuce and renews her fling with Brody. They get into a fight in the parking lot and a YouTube clip shows Kata crying and telling Brody, “I can’t read your mind—I’m not a Betazoid!”
The Damar girls go shopping on Rodeo Drive and their intergalactic MasterCard is denied. They call their father, who tells them money doesn’t grow in replicators. Seska meets the Jonas Brothers on tour; rumors of Joe Jonas caressing her neck ridges at a Grammy party surface on Perez Hilton.
Kata is approached by Joe Francis to host Borgs Gone Wild 2: Resistance to Flashing Is Futile. She accepts and has a tearful goodbye with the Hilton sisters at a club. Seska starts dating Mickey Rourke, who acknowledges her in an award-acceptance speech as “my ridge-headed angel.”
SUGGESTED READSKlingon Personal Ads
by Mike Richardson-Bryan (1/2/2006)
This One’s a Keeper: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
by Jude Walsh (4/28/1999)
The Philadelphia Flyers Have A Time Machine: Installment Four
by Dave Johnston (4/15/2005)
RECENTLYMy Passion for Repurposing Wooden Pallets is What Helped Me Survive the Breakup With Rick
by Kerri Wood Thomson (8/21/2014)
Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 54: Control Freaks
by Susan Schorn (8/21/2014)
List: The Adult Kickball League Hall of Fame
by Spencer Ham (8/21/2014)
POPULARAirplane Passengers as Explained By Their Pants
by Wendi Aarons (5/4/2012)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)
List: What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You
by John Peck (7/5/2011)