Sondheim’s Paradox
When a man thinks he is meant to be with a woman because of their shared love of musicals, but can’t tell her, because she will think he is gay.
Falwell’s Paradox
When a Christian’s unwavering urge to share Christ’s message of love to everybody they know causes them to be hated by everybody they know.
Kirk’s Paradox
When a person’s increasing number of Star Trek insignia tattoos leads to exponentially decreasing chances of ever being hired by NASA.
Franklin’s Paradox
When an individual must abandon all self-respect in order to belt out a riotous karaoke version of “Respect.”
DiFranco’s Paradox
When the only factor preventing a feminist from being paid the same as her male coworkers is a degree in Feminist Studies.
Kinsey’s Paradox
When a young man’s encyclopedic knowledge of human sexuality textbooks prevents him from ever getting laid.
Folger’s Paradox
When a lack of coffee in the morning prevents an individual from being able to functionally leave their home to buy coffee.
Coolio’s Paradox
When an individual cannot get a credit card because of having too much street cred.
Chong’s Paradox
When a group of individuals constructs elaborate plans for a unique way to get high, but fail to remember their plans, because they get high.