Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
BY DAVID YONTZ
When a man thinks he is meant to be with a woman because of their shared love of musicals, but can’t tell her, because she will think he is gay.
When a Christian’s unwavering urge to share Christ’s message of love to everybody they know causes them to be hated by everybody they know.
When a person’s increasing number of Star Trek insignia tattoos leads to exponentially decreasing chances of ever being hired by NASA.
When an individual must abandon all self-respect in order to belt out a riotous karaoke version of “Respect.”
When the only factor preventing a feminist from being paid the same as her male coworkers is a degree in Feminist Studies.
When a young man’s encyclopedic knowledge of human sexuality textbooks prevents him from ever getting laid.
When a lack of coffee in the morning prevents an individual from being able to functionally leave their home to buy coffee.
When an individual cannot get a credit card because of having too much street cred.
When a group of individuals constructs elaborate plans for a unique way to get high, but fail to remember their plans, because they get high.
SUGGESTED READSTest Your Logic Brain
by Amie Barrodale (7/24/2000)
Answers to Dr. Brain-Wizard’s Logic Puzzles
by Curtis Retherford (2/26/2010)
A Logic Puzzle and a Hangover Cure
by John Hodgman (10/21/1999)
RECENTLYMy Passion for Repurposing Wooden Pallets is What Helped Me Survive the Breakup With Rick
by Kerri Wood Thomson (8/21/2014)
Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 54: Control Freaks
by Susan Schorn (8/21/2014)
List: The Adult Kickball League Hall of Fame
by Spencer Ham (8/21/2014)
POPULARAirplane Passengers as Explained By Their Pants
by Wendi Aarons (5/4/2012)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)
List: What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You
by John Peck (7/5/2011)