Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
Lines Not Used in Coors Light’s “Accomplishments” Advertising Campaign.
I have completed 300 hours of community service.
I have eaten Alpo out of the can.
I have slept with my second cousin. Twice.
I have photocopied my penis and sent it to my buddy’s mom.
I have had a recurring role on the TV show Cops.
I have become a Girls Gone Wild Gold Member.
I have drunk the recommended eight glasses of water in a day. Bong water.
I have dated a girl for her brains. Her big, lactating brains.
SUGGESTED READSThe First Draft of My New Bud Light Commercial
by Dan Moore (3/19/2010)
List: Additional Improvements to the Coors Light “Cold Activated” Beer Can
by Marco Kaye and Sloan Schang (6/23/2011)
by Jamie Allen (9/24/2010)
RECENTLYThe Pagan Origins of Valentine’s Day
by Kathryn Doyle (2/12/2016)
List: Some (More) Things That are Worse Than Being Alone on Valentine’s Day
by Ali Garfinkel (2/12/2016)
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives: Chris Loses Kevin Outside
by Marti Jonjak (2/12/2016)
POPULARList: Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
by Susan Harlan (1/25/2016)
Jamie and Jeff’s Note to the Babysitter
by Paul William Davies (1/13/2016)
Eight Excuses I Have Told My Son to Use for His Failure to Hand in English Homework, Excuses I Have Learned are Acceptable During a Thirty-Year Career in Journalism, Books, and Film
by Nick Hornby (2/5/2016)