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Lines Not Used in Coors Light’s “Accomplishments” Advertising Campaign.
I have completed 300 hours of community service.
I have eaten Alpo out of the can.
I have slept with my second cousin. Twice.
I have photocopied my penis and sent it to my buddy’s mom.
I have had a recurring role on the TV show Cops.
I have become a Girls Gone Wild Gold Member.
I have drunk the recommended eight glasses of water in a day. Bong water.
I have dated a girl for her brains. Her big, lactating brains.
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