Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
Lines Not Used in Coors Light’s “Accomplishments” Advertising Campaign.
I have completed 300 hours of community service.
I have eaten Alpo out of the can.
I have slept with my second cousin. Twice.
I have photocopied my penis and sent it to my buddy’s mom.
I have had a recurring role on the TV show Cops.
I have become a Girls Gone Wild Gold Member.
I have drunk the recommended eight glasses of water in a day. Bong water.
I have dated a girl for her brains. Her big, lactating brains.
SUGGESTED READSThe First Draft of My New Bud Light Commercial
by Dan Moore (3/19/2010)
List: Additional Improvements to the Coors Light “Cold Activated” Beer Can
by Marco Kaye and Sloan Schang (6/23/2011)
by Jamie Allen (9/24/2010)
RECENTLYProduct Review: The Invisible Backpack of White Privilege from L.L. Bean
by Joyce Miller (12/18/2014)
Monologue: Serial’s Sarah Koenig On Santa’s Alleged Hit-and-Run Murder of Grandma
by Spencer Ham (12/18/2014)
List: The Do’s and Don’ts of Falling in Love
by Dustin Mark (12/18/2014)
POPULARI Am an Artisanal Attorney
by John Frank Weaver (12/12/2014)
A Farewell to Hemnes: Ernest Hemingway Assembles an IKEA Daybed Frame With Three Drawers
by Jeff Steinbrink (12/2/2014)
It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)