What do you mean, she’ll get here “when she comes”? That’s not a time. How can I plan around that?

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And we’ll all have chicken and dumplings? All of us? Even you three vegetarians? Who’s going to be cooking these dumplings anyway? Remember that time I made pierogies? No, I bet you don’t remember that.

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Okay, someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah. What is this, a guessing game? And no one’s going to be “strumming on the ol’ banjo” in my house. I’m not stupid.

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You are not a little teapot, honey. You’ve just got my hips. I’m sorry.

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You’re paying far too much attention to that very, very small spider.

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No, you can’t put a person in a pumpkin shell. Really, I’m starting to worry about you.

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Is the old man snoring? Or is he in a coma? Because if he bumped his head and can’t get up we need to call someone. And it’s going to be tricky since it’s raining. And it’s pouring.

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Well nobody asked you to carry a banjo all the way from Alabama.

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I don’t care how many of them there are, get the monkeys out of the bedroom!

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Again with the old man. Tell him to leave your thumb alone. What the heck is “knick-knack”? I thought he was snoring a minute ago.

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A snowman is marching through town? Are you drunk?

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What are you talking about, “how I wonder what you are”? It’s a star. You just said it was a star.

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GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TREE. NOW.

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What are you doing asking a sheep if it has wool? And I hope that’s not the same lamb that’s been following Mary around.

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That’s a lot of pressure, telling someone they’re your “only sunshine.” Are your ready to take that step?

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What? The bridge is falling down? For Christ’s sake stop singing!