Teddy Wayne is the author of the novels Kapitoil and The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
Money doesn’t grow on trees… wait, it sort of does, because it’s paper, which is from trees, and… right? I’m not overlooking some basic step of production here, or that there’s a new treeless paper out there? God, I know so little about how the world actually works, like how does a telephone work or a car engine or a faucet or—okay, I just looked it up, and so-called “paper” money is actually a combination of cotton and linen fibers. So it doesn’t grow on trees, it grows from the ground. That’s where cotton and linen come from, I’m pretty sure.
SUGGESTED READSTeddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Savings
by Teddy Wayne (8/8/2010)
Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Loaning
by Teddy Wayne (11/8/2010)
Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Earning
by Teddy Wayne (10/17/2012)
RECENTLYList: Sylvia Plath’s Holiday Cooking Tips
by Arabella Anderson (11/26/2014)
Butterball Help-Line Help-Line
by Alysia Gray Painter (11/26/2014)
List: Pardoned Turkeys: Where Are They Now?
by Tom O'Donnell (11/26/2014)
POPULARWhy You Should Not Have Broken Up With Me, According to Various Critical Theories
by Tommy Wallach (11/3/2014)
It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
The Boy from Jurassic Park’s College Application Essay
by Julia Drake (11/12/2014)