Percent eyeballs completely skipped this post

Slow, knowing nod evoked

Physical Laughing out Loud to typing LOL discrepancy ratio

Mouse hovering over Like button; narrow eyes thinking

Mouths “Upworthy,” scrolls on

Drunk on Merlot and hearting everything on Etsy’s “I Like Cats” search

Brain-dead insomniac scrolling by muscle memory

Sleeping; cat walked on space bar

Glasses removed, eyeballs rubbed, glasses back on

Hands vanish, pants unzipping sound detected

Actually watching Netflix