Name: North Carl, New Hampshire
Address: North Carl, New Hampshire
Occupation: Town
Age: Two months to ninety-four years
Sex: Both
Ethnicity: We have voted to support it with a parade every two years.
Language: Clean (foul only when warranted)
Citizenship: U.S.A. (North Carl boasts two exchange students from Quebec, Martine and Jean, who have proven to be a wonderful source of foreign knowledge for our young people. Quelle merde, or isn’t life grand, as our two Quebecuties love to say.)
Interests: Hunting, dressing up dolls, baseball, dancing, not dancing, dominoes, reading, learning to read, assault and battery, needlework, vodka, model trains, cigarettes, bird watching, knitting, pornography, wreath-making.
Daytime Telephone: Several.
(Note: Mrs. Meg Hamilton’s phone is currently not in service due to her raccoon infestation, as the raccoons become stimulated when Mrs. Hamilton gets on the horn. Even the sound of Mrs. Hamilton merely dialing causes the animals to run to the nearest wall jack and begin to suck, their wild saliva sending sparks up. Mrs. Hamilton is recovering nicely, albeit without any form of modern communication but with the occasional splitting migraine and/or crying jag. Her weeping, apparently, is causing the raccoons to attack the jacks more fiercely. So Mrs. Hamilton’s phone is out until further notice, i.e. Dan the Raccoon Man can stop by.)
Honors and Awards.
The Cloverleaf Club presented North Carl with the “Best Town to Break Down” plaque back in 1984. Also, The Lady Lunchers of New England awarded us “Most Usable Public Lavatories,” in 1991 and 1993. Sadly 1992 was a memorable year for mold. And littering. And someone forgot to empty the bathroom trash bins from March to December.
In Case of Emergency: Woodville, PA and Kenner’s Falls, WV. (Woodville says no calls after 11 p.m. weekdays, please.)
How did you hear about the “World Capital Of” family?
The Baker clan over on South Street just got back from visiting John Baker’s aunt in Gilroy, California, the official Garlic Capital of the World. Garlic bulbs sprout everywhere, on postcards, calendars, you name it. The Baker family raved about it when they got back home. So we in North Carl started talking about all these world capitals. Someone remembered a town in Florida that is the World Capital of Shark Teeth. So we thought, hey, all these places are pushing their covered bridges or cheese, so shouldn’t we have our claim to fame? So, yes, the Baker family, John Baker, Louisa, their three kids, one adopted, the youngest, very sweet, over on South Street. That’s how our town heard about it. Garlic. Which North Carl doesn’t eat, generally, but we are not against gourmets who enjoy it on occasion, say in a marinara sauce.
Proposed Capital Of: Pajamas
Reason for Proposed Capital.
North Carl is the home of the former SnugBug flannel factory, built in 1904 and permanently closed in 1967. The year of 1967, of course, was a very trying time for all fabrics, as everyone across our great nation simultaneously removed their clothes. But flannel especially seemed to suffer. Some old timers say flannel was just too constricting for those Summer of Love sorts. A “flesh fence” the kids called it. We don’t call it that now. Never. Then recently a few artist types moved into the empty factory, the children of the hippies plus some brand new hippies, the long hair and the pants. They aren’t troublemakers or dissenters but they are prone to making ceramic drink coasters. So the town began to reminisce about our flannelled past, and we were delighted to discover that we all wear pajamas, every one of us. No nudies or skin-sleepers among us. We didn’t poll the artists on this topic, though, because we expect they may have answered differently. Thus, Pajama Capital of the World seems as perfect a fit as a four-button Sally Snoozy with a stitched left pocket and cuffed bottoms. That was a pajama reference.
If Proposed Capital is unavailable, what is your alternate selection?
Window Treatments, including awnings, bishop’s pants, shutter covers, draperies, valances. North Carl may one day be recognized as a town that takes fabric seriously, especially fabric that blocks sunlight and hinders vistas. We’re as earnest about our curtains as our nighttime sleepwear.
Financial Support.
Mary Kirkpatrick, the owner of Mary’s Ice Cream, not the Mary Kirkpatrick who is the assistant manager of the North Carl Bank & Loan, volunteered to set out a Folgers can (without any coffee in it) next to her cash register for any donations to help with our World Capital campaign. It should be noted that $9.67 was collected the first week when the Folger’s can was left as is. Compare this with the $21.45 collected the week Mary Kirkpatrick created a pipe cleaner cozy for the can, making it more noticeable to the eye and chic. The pipe cleaners sort of look like bug antenna.
References.
Nashua and Hillsboro. They have long been supporters of North Carl, at least the several individuals from Nashua and Hillsboro who have driven through North Carl. We think they were from Nashua and Hillsboro, but they didn’t stop. But even if they didn’t stop and get to know North Carl, they sure did seem to like us. They obeyed every traffic law and one North Carlite said that a child in the back of a minivan with a Hillsboro sticker waved at her. So please talk to the kind folks of Nashua and Hillsboro about us. We’re sure they’ll not snarl about North Carl! They might say something nice, too. Manchester has also promised us a letter of recommendation but it may have gotten lost in the mail. Manchester is also very big and busy and may have forgotten. Maybe you can call Manchester for us. Maybe ask Manchester if it is mad at us for something we don’t know we did, if that doesn’t seem too awkward or anything.
Essay.
Fabric. Curtains that billow. A flannel hat with mittens so warm. Pajamas, sweet slumber-makers. These are items of interest to everyone everywhere. People young and old wear clothes. People of every religion and creed and belief wear clothing. People everywhere get up every single morning and say, “What shall I wear this day,” and they go wear something. And then they change their clothes at least once a day, sometimes five to fifteen times a day. Everyone everywhere loves fabric, which is the soul of clothes. And we love to sleep in it. We put on fabric, like a cotton flannel set, and then crawl between our flannel sheets and under our flannel blanket and we dream our dreams, full of contentment.
What are dreams but magical threads through our minds. How very like the threads of fabric. So we in North Carl, if selected the Pajama Capital of the World, will proudly become the tailors of the dreams of dreamers. By coming to our town, taking a tour of our flannel factory, eating in our diners, and buying our bumper stickers, t-shirts, and mugs, anyone who has ever worn clothes will have found the thread through their dreams, winding, evermore. Flannel. Pajamas. The duds of dreamers. In the Pajama Capital of the World. North Carl. Thank you very much.