Office Drinking Game.
BY JONATHAN SAN
[Originally published June 28, 2013.]
Take a drink if you see a co-worker on Facebook.
Take a drink if an intern is wearing a revealing outfit (no extra drinks awarded if multiple interns are dressed inappropriately).
Take a drink if the printer runs out of ink or if the Internet goes down.
Take a drink if someone says “it takes a village” about a collaborative project that has just been completed.
Take another drink if they end said statement with an exaggerated sigh.
Take one more drink if someone then immediately rolls their eyes (take another drink if you do so yourself, involuntarily).
Take a drink if you spend the next 30 minutes watching “Fail” compilation videos on YouTube and forwarding the links to your Sigma Alpha Epsilon brothers’ listserv.
Take a drink if your boss calls you to ask about a client but instead you mimic your voicemail message, concluding with a belch instead of a beep.
Take a drink if your boss calls again and you repeat the same voicemail act uncannily.
Take a drink if you go out for lunch.
Take a drink if that means buying five bags of Cheez-Its from the vending machine.
Take a drink if at this point, you’re not sure drinking at the office was a good idea.
Take a drink if you decided it was a great idea.
Take a drink if you just urinated in your Starbucks cup.
Take a drink if you notice a co-worker playing this drinking game. Wave him over.
Take a drink if you both decide that drunk-dialing reception would be fucking hilarious.
Take a drink if you speak with an East European accent and mention any of the following words: “a little present”, “WWMD”, “Anthrax, like the band,” or “’b’ as in Bernard, ‘o’ as in orca, ‘m’ as in mandrake, and um, ‘b’ as in Bernard.”
Take a drink if the office frantically evacuates except for you and your colleague, who has passed out.
Take a drink if you waive your Miranda Rights.
Take a drink if you sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” a cappella on the ride to the station (credit this drink to a future game if you are cuffed and/or your drink has been confiscated).
Take a drink if you wake up the next morning in jail with a hangover and a felony charge (above crediting rule still applies).
Take a drink (of water) if you call your lawyer.
Take a drink if you call your wife.
SUGGESTED READSA Logic Puzzle and a Hangover Cure
by John Hodgman (10/21/1999)
List: Advanced Drinking Aphorisms
by Jonathon Schaff (7/14/2015)
by Jamie Allen (9/24/2010)
RECENTLYI Have No Idea What This Thing Is, Is It Authentic and Made In Traditional Cultural Ways?
by Josh Freedman (9/3/2015)
Facepalm Pilot: Where Technology Meets Stupidity: An Interactive Guide to Ambiguous Grammar
by Vijith Assar (9/3/2015)
List: Updated Children’s Book Classics for Millennials
by Justine Bui (9/3/2015)
POPULARFirst Faculty Meeting of the Year Bingo
by Lisa Nikolidakis (8/25/2015)
“Hell is Empty and All the Devils are Here”: A Shakespearean Guide to the 2016 Republican Primary
by Emily Uecker (8/6/2015)
Donald Trump, Through the Ages
by John Flowers (8/13/2015)