Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Where Are They Now?
[Originally published November 23, 2011.]
Pardoned by George H. W. Bush, 1989. Currently serving a life sentence in Leavenworth Penitentiary. Gobbler was convicted of two counts of second degree murder, both committed during a botched robbery in 1992.
Pardoned by Bill Clinton, 1997. Today, living in a group home in Carroll County, Maryland. Pilgrim has spent much of the last 14 years in and out of psychiatric and drug treatment facilities. He credits a 2009 religious conversion with helping him turn his life around, and now has over two years sober.
Pardoned by George W. Bush, 2004. Now residing in Pasadena, California under the name “Arnold Levinson.” Biscuits earned an accounting degree from UC Irvine and currently works as a CPA for the firm of Gourley & Madigan. He met his future wife Cheryl on a singles cruise in 2007. It was love at first sight, and the two were married in a non-denominational ceremony later that year.
Pardoned by George W. Bush, 2005. Founder and administrator of Building Dreams, an Ohio-based charity which offers counseling and job placement services to recently-pardoned turkeys. Marshmallow’s best-selling memoir, I Beg Your Pardon, and numerous appearances on Hardball With Chris Matthews have brought national attention to the cause of pardoned-turkey rights.
Pardoned by Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, 2008. After a lengthy legal battle, Big Tom’s pardon was ultimately revoked by the U.S. Supreme Court. Their decision held that according to the Constitution, the power to pardon turkeys lies solely with the president and not with state or local governments. Big Tom was executed in December of 2010.
Pardoned by Barack Obama, 2009. Currently a contestant on Fox’s hit reality singing competition The X-Factor. Courage’s amazing vocal range means she’s just as comfortable crooning jazz standards as she is belting out arena rock anthems. Courage is represented by Cynosure Creative Management of Los Angeles.
Pardoned by Barack Obama, 2010. Missing since June of this year. Apple is wanted for questioning regarding the shooting death of Steven Whitcombe of Bisbee, Arizona on the night of June 19th, 2011. If you have any information regarding Apple’s whereabouts, please contact local authorities.
SUGGESTED READSMonologue: A Turkey Has a Few Words to Say About Turduckens
by Nick Mickowski (11/27/2013)
by Peter Bebergal (10/23/2000)
List: Fall Hunting Dates for North Dakota
by Kate E. Gambs (9/18/2000)
RECENTLYEight Excuses I Have Told My Son to Use for His Failure to Hand in English Homework, Excuses I Have Learned are Acceptable During a Thirty-Year Career in Journalism, Books, and Film
by Nick Hornby (2/5/2016)
Fear, Inc: Part Two: Alarmed and Dangerous
by Susan Schorn (2/5/2016)
Women Who Should Be Pretty Pissed Off: Frankenstein’s Stepsister
by Amy Watkin (2/5/2016)