Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Pickup Lines: The First Drafts.
Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I’m not surprised; your thighs are almost comically muscular.
You must wash your pants with Windex, because something really smells like Windex.
Your father must have been a thief. I don’t know, you just have the look of someone who was raised by criminals.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? That is to say, would you be offended by my comments, not would you physically hold your body against mine. Sorry for any confusion. Anyways, would you?
Do you have a little Italian in you? Really? Wait, what was your last name again? Oh, yeah, I guess that does sound Irish. Never mind.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I probably wouldn’t. Can you imagine how much that would screw with everybody?
Are you from Tennessee? I hate people from Tennessee.
Excuse me; I seem to have misplaced my inmate number, which was assigned to me by this state’s accursed penal system after it was discovered that I was indeed the “Fruit by the Foot Strangler.” Can I borrow yours?
Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call my mother and tell her I’ve found the girl I’m going to annoy for the next 5-10 minutes.
SUGGESTED READSPerhaps My Pickup Lines Need Work
by Frank Ferri (3/9/2007)
List: Pickup Lines That Went Unnoticed
by Ed Page and Stephany Aulenback (8/20/2001)
List: Popular Pickup Lines Used by Serial Killers
by Wendy Molyneux (12/8/2003)
RECENTLYNo One Can Tell Me What to Do—Except for People With the Proper Authority to Do So
by Zack Bornstein (10/24/2014)
@thereal_saintfrancis_: Canticle of the Cool
by Nick Farrell and Rachel Farrell (10/24/2014)
Open Letters: An Open Letter to People Who Sell Sofas On Craigslist
by Angie Pelekidis (10/24/2014)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
Security Questions for Single, Childless People
by Shannon Reed (10/3/2014)
List: Boat Parts or Names of Unvaccinated Children?
by Grant Pardee (10/6/2014)