Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Pickup Lines: The First Drafts.
Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I’m not surprised; your thighs are almost comically muscular.
You must wash your pants with Windex, because something really smells like Windex.
Your father must have been a thief. I don’t know, you just have the look of someone who was raised by criminals.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? That is to say, would you be offended by my comments, not would you physically hold your body against mine. Sorry for any confusion. Anyways, would you?
Do you have a little Italian in you? Really? Wait, what was your last name again? Oh, yeah, I guess that does sound Irish. Never mind.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I probably wouldn’t. Can you imagine how much that would screw with everybody?
Are you from Tennessee? I hate people from Tennessee.
Excuse me; I seem to have misplaced my inmate number, which was assigned to me by this state’s accursed penal system after it was discovered that I was indeed the “Fruit by the Foot Strangler.” Can I borrow yours?
Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call my mother and tell her I’ve found the girl I’m going to annoy for the next 5-10 minutes.
SUGGESTED READSPerhaps My Pickup Lines Need Work
by Frank Ferri (3/9/2007)
List: Pickup Lines That Went Unnoticed
by Ed Page and Stephany Aulenback (8/20/2001)
List: Popular Pickup Lines Used by Serial Killers
by Wendy Molyneux (12/8/2003)
RECENTLYBefore You Avenge Your Father’s Death, Please Leave a Positive Yelp Review for My Secret Dojo
by Kenny Murphy (4/29/2016)
Women Who Should Be Pretty Pissed Off: Mary Blandy: The O.J. Simpson of the 18th Century
by Amy Watkin (4/29/2016)
List: Showing Them How It Feels: A TA Evaluates His Students
by Andy Holt (4/29/2016)
POPULARList: Titles of Bach Chorales, as Translated By My Niece After One Semester of German
by Nolan Bonvouloir (4/15/2016)
How to Negotiate a Raise (If You’re a Woman)
by Maura Quint (4/15/2016)
Here Are the Times I Am Typically Free to Meet
by Joe Saunders (4/18/2016)