Hey baby, you look so good in those jeans I ’d like to chop your legs off.

Was your daddy a thief? I’m not. I’m a serial killer.

If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop screaming?

That shirt looks great on you, but it would look even better in an evidence bag.

Will you run away from me somewhere romantic?

Do you come here often? I don’t, because I only leave my underground cave when the voice of Marilu Henner inside my head tells me I must prowl the earth for victims, or Jesus will hurt my dog.

I love you.