Sample Questions from the Don Rickles SAT.
1. Drip : Deluge :: Speak :
A) Say it a little louder, I think someone in the next room might not have heard.
B) Such an angelic voice you have. That is, if the angels are smoking a pack a day and God’s a Phyllis Diller fan.
C) I was wondering if you could please be a little quieter. You’re speaking rather loudly.
D) Thank you. That’s perfect. I was actually just trying to imagine the sound of a pneumatic drill passing a kidney stone. Great.
E) [Impersonation of a donkey braying]
2. Lumen : Brightness :: IQ :
A) The things you say are very unintelligent indeed.
B) Alright, run along now. The adults are speaking.
C) Not another word. Your genius is wasted here! Quick, when’s the next train to Bell Labs?
D) Just try and remember, the helmet goes on your head. That’s where the pudding goes.
E) [Infantile cackling]
3. Clumsy : Botch :: Slippery :
A) Have a nice trip! See you next fall!
B) Graceful as ever, numbnuts. Next time try walking with the bottoms of your feet.
C) Give my regards to Broadway. I’ll be the one throwing fruit.
D) I see you have tripped and fallen in a most comical manner. This amuses me greatly.
(E) [Long whistle to indicate a nose-diving plane]
4. Entice : Repel :: Beautiful :
A) Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more like an open wound on a syphylitic’s genitals.
B) Nice face. Did it come with a receipt?
C) You are extremely unattractive. Stand still while I point out your shortcomings for the amusement of all.
D) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Ugliness is… Jesus, never mind. Just go away.
E) [Sound of a trumpet going, ‘Waaah, wah…’]
5. Braggart : Modesty :: Ectomorph:
A) When you sit around the house, you really sit around the house. So I guess it makes sense that your ass is so huge, what with all the sitting.
B) Have you lost weight? Or just barnacles?
C) You are very obese.
D) No, you look great. Really. Like a million bucks. Wait. Did I say a million bucks? I meant, “FAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”
E) [Barnyard animal sounds]
ANSWER KEY: 1-B, 2-D, 3-C, 4-B, 5-E
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