Smart And Cute And Dad: The Last Orange Tapes.
RECORDED SUMMER 2002
[Read the lost Orange tapes.]
Q: Dad, you wanna talk into this?
Q: OK, now, what are you gonna say?
Orange: About what?
Q: Is that what you say?
Orange: I’m busy right now.
Q: OK, let’s hear you sing happy birthday.
Orange: Why? Whose birthday is it?
Q: What did you have for dinner?
Orange: It’s 10:30 in the morning.
Q: Yeah, those are all the things you like.
Orange: What things?
Q: What did you have for dessert?
Orange: What’s the matter with you?
Q: What’s mommy’s name?
Orange: Who’s mommy?
Q: What’s mine?
Orange: Who are you?
Q: What’s your name?
Orange: Who wants to know?
Q: How old are you?
Orange: Old enough to know better.
Q: Two, that’s right, and where do you live?
Orange: At home.
Q: You live at the camp?
Orange: No, I live at home.
Q: What’s your address?
Orange: [long pause] 23. . .
Q: Where’d you go today?
Orange: To work.
Q: You did not, you’re telling lies! Where did you go with mommy?
Orange: I went to work, I told you that. Are you deaf?
Orange: Are you deaf?
Q: Let’s hear you sing Jack and Jill.
Orange: No. I don’t know the words. No, I know the words, I don’t know the tune.
Q: Good! Oh, that’s brilliant! Hey, tell me, what do you do on the toilet?
Orange: What do you do on the toilet?
Q: Are you smart?
Q: Are you a bad girl?
Orange: I am a bad girl, yes.
Q: Oh. What do you do that’s bad?
Orange: [unintelligible] I burp.
Q: Where’s Chris?
Orange: [Cracks up. Laughs at length.] He’s over there.
Q: What’s he doing?
Orange: Who knows.
Q: Who’s he playing with?
Orange: God knows.
Q: Who do you play with?
Orange: I play with myself.
Q: Amy doesn’t live here anymore.
Orange: No, I guess not.
Q: That’s a good girl! You’re very smart! You’re not bad are you?
Orange: No. I’m smart and cute and bad.
Q: What did you do at the fair? Did you go to the fair?
Q: What did you have to eat?
Orange: Hot dog.
Q: What do you like to wear?
Orange: What do I like to wear? Shoes.
Q: What’s your favourite dress?
Orange: Oh, I. . . the red one.
Q: Are you fat?
Q: Do you like to play with Chris’ toys?
Q: Sing Batman.
Orange: [totally not singing Batman] Bat-maaan!
Q: Let’s hear you sing the other one— Happy Days.
Orange: [again, way off track] Happy happy days! Happy Day-ays!
Q: You wanna say good-bye now to the recorder?
Orange: To the what?
Q: Say good-bye recorder, see you later.
Orange: Bye, uh, recorder. See ya.
Q: Good _morn_ing.
Q: How are you?
Orange: What is all this?
SUGGESTED READSSmart And Cute And Bad: The Lost Orange Tapes
by John Orange (11/6/2002)
My Father, As Owner Of His Fantasy Baseball Team, Has A Meeting With His Players To Explore Their Concerns About Front Office Management
by Kate Kershner (6/25/2007)
Anna Freud’s Dream Journal
by Jeff Albers (7/23/2009)
RECENTLYLet’s Tidy Up This Sex Dungeon!
by Teddy Wayne (3/5/2015)
Field Notes from Gentrified Places: The Blocks Beautiful
by Vinson Cunningham (3/5/2015)
List: Headlines From My Dismal Lifestyle Blog
by Eileen Consedine (3/5/2015)
POPULARList: What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
by Mara Wilson (2/10/2015)
Reasons You Were Not Promoted That are Totally Unrelated to Gender
by Homa Mojtabai (1/27/2015)
Joni Mitchell Applies for a Tenure Track Philosophy Position
by Jedidiah Anderson (2/9/2015)