“It’s drag-a-fellow-swimmer-out-of-the-undertow season!”
“It’s chase-your-unexpectedly-windborne-beach-umbrella-across-the-sand-while-hoping-it-does-not-impale-anyone-before-you-catch-it season!”
“It’s pedal-your-rental-bike-back-to-the-beach-shack-fast-enough-to-stay-within-the-half-day-rental-price season!”
“It’s join-other-concerned-vacationers-and-push-a-beached-whale-back-into-the-ocean season!”
“It’s get-out-of-the-secret-cove-before-high-tide-when-it-completely-fills-in-with-water season!”
“It’s dodge-an-errant-volleyball-and-toss-it-back-with-vengeful-accuracy-so-you-hit-the-careless-player-behind-the-knees-on-the-very-first-try season!”
“It’s elude-the-aggressive-seagull season!”
“It’s don’t-slip-out-of-your-parasailing-harness season!”
“It’s carry-the-cooler-full-of-melted-ice-and-leftover-beers-back-to-the-car-by-yourself-because-you-are-the-most-sober-of-all-your-companions season!”
“It’s squat-over-the-public-beach’s-fetid-toilet-without-touching-it-season!”
“It’s parka season somewhere, and you may need to step in for a lame sled dog!”