Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
The Oldest Tricks in the Book.
Tap neighbor on left shoulder. When he turns to look, club his wife and drag her to your cave.
Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When saber-toothed tiger comes to feast, explode from mammoth with spear.
Trek to volcano with bundle of sticks. Plunge sticks into molten rock. Retread your path by night, being careful to keep torch burning. Arrive at dwelling. Claim discovery of fire.
Tell wife you go to hunt. Instead, sneak off and watch sunset.
Trap child in deep recess of cave where he cannot escape. Perform elaborate shadow play on cave walls. Expose him to truth when he is old enough to hunt mammoth.
Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When neighbor comes to feast, explode from mammoth with cake.
SUGGESTED READSMy Genetic Memories.
by Mark O'Donnell (12/9/1998)
Monologue: Thak, The Most Organized Member Of The Party Of Roughly 70 People Who Originally Settled North America
by Richard D. Allen (6/21/2005)
List: Paleolithic Bryan Adams: A Playlist
by Josiah Lindsey (3/30/2009)
RECENTLYList: Sylvia Plath’s Holiday Cooking Tips
by Arabella Anderson (11/26/2014)
Butterball Help-Line Help-Line
by Alysia Gray Painter (11/26/2014)
List: Pardoned Turkeys: Where Are They Now?
by Tom O'Donnell (11/26/2014)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
Why You Should Not Have Broken Up With Me, According to Various Critical Theories
by Tommy Wallach (11/3/2014)
The Boy from Jurassic Park’s College Application Essay
by Julia Drake (11/12/2014)