Tap neighbor on left shoulder. When he turns to look, club his wife and drag her to your cave.
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Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When saber-toothed tiger comes to feast, explode from mammoth with spear.
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Trek to volcano with bundle of sticks. Plunge sticks into molten rock. Retread your path by night, being careful to keep torch burning. Arrive at dwelling. Claim discovery of fire.
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Tell wife you go to hunt. Instead, sneak off and watch sunset.
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Trap child in deep recess of cave where he cannot escape. Perform elaborate shadow play on cave walls. Expose him to truth when he is old enough to hunt mammoth.
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Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When neighbor comes to feast, explode from mammoth with cake.