Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Oldest Tricks in the Book.
Tap neighbor on left shoulder. When he turns to look, club his wife and drag her to your cave.
Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When saber-toothed tiger comes to feast, explode from mammoth with spear.
Trek to volcano with bundle of sticks. Plunge sticks into molten rock. Retread your path by night, being careful to keep torch burning. Arrive at dwelling. Claim discovery of fire.
Tell wife you go to hunt. Instead, sneak off and watch sunset.
Trap child in deep recess of cave where he cannot escape. Perform elaborate shadow play on cave walls. Expose him to truth when he is old enough to hunt mammoth.
Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When neighbor comes to feast, explode from mammoth with cake.
SUGGESTED READSMy Genetic Memories.
by Mark O'Donnell (12/9/1998)
Monologue: Thak, The Most Organized Member Of The Party Of Roughly 70 People Who Originally Settled North America
by Richard D. Allen (6/21/2005)
List: Paleolithic Bryan Adams: A Playlist
by Josiah Lindsey (3/30/2009)
RECENTLYThe Pagan Origins of Valentine’s Day
by Kathryn Doyle (2/12/2016)
List: Some (More) Things That are Worse Than Being Alone on Valentine’s Day
by Ali Garfinkel (2/12/2016)
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives: Chris Loses Kevin Outside
by Marti Jonjak (2/12/2016)
POPULARJamie and Jeff’s Note to the Babysitter
by Paul William Davies (1/13/2016)
List: Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
by Susan Harlan (1/25/2016)
Eight Excuses I Have Told My Son to Use for His Failure to Hand in English Homework, Excuses I Have Learned are Acceptable During a Thirty-Year Career in Journalism, Books, and Film
by Nick Hornby (2/5/2016)