The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.
BY Brian Agler
The revolution will not be televised due to our blackout policy. Because the revolution is taking place in your market, you will be unable to watch the revolution. Instead of the revolution, the classic Billy Bob Thornton/John Cusack film, Pushing Tin, will be televised. If you’d like to see the revolution, it is advised that you purchase tickets and attend the revolution. The revolution is not sold out. In fact, season tickets are still available.
The revolution will not be televised, but may we suggest purchasing access to Revolutions.tv. This will allow you to watch the revolution on your PC, tablet, or mobile device.
The revolution will not be televised, but it will be available for streaming on Hulu.com seven days after the revolution takes place.
The revolution will not be televised, but I know this weird Korean website where you can watch it. There are subtitles I don’t understand, and the quality isn’t great, but it’s still the revolution.
The revolution will not be televised, but if you have a cable subscription, you can log in to WatchRevolutions.com and use their authenticator to watch the revolution. Just provide your username and password, and you will have access to the revolution live, plus alternate angles, commentary, and the ability to share your login with up two more IP addresses.
The revolution will not be televised because of a dispute between the revolution and DIRECTV. If you’d like to see the revolution, please call DIRECTV and demand that they put the revolution back on the air. In the meantime, my buddy Carl has Dish Network. I don’t know if they’re televising the revolution or not, but it’s worth a shot.
The revolution will not be televised, but I guess if you really need to see it, you could download a torrent. Just be careful, because if we get another letter from Time Warner, they’re going to cut off our internet.
The revolution will not be televised, but for $7.99 a month, you can subscribe and stream as many revolutions as you want. You’ll end up spending the whole weekend watching revolutions. They’re so addictive. Or, have the revolution sent to your home on DVD. Return the revolution when you are done, and you can get a new one in 2-3 business days.
The revolution will not be televised, but I heard there’s a way to watch it through an Xbox 360. My roommate is playing Left 4 Dead 2 right now, so we can’t use it. When he’s done though, we’re totally going to watch the revolution.
The revolution will not be televised, but it will be live tweeted by various celebrities. This is not the same as watching the revolution, but we understand that millennials prefer this method more.
The revolution will not be televised, but you can read the recaps the next day on various websites. Critics will assign a letter grade to the revolution, and commenters will debate as to whether or not that letter grade is accurate, especially considering the revolution as just one part in a larger, serialized context.
The revolution will not be televised, but… ugh… what the hell is a Roku?
The revolution will not be televised, but it will be available for purchase for $5 through Louis C.K.’s website. The revolution will be DRM-free, but please don’t send it around to all of your friends. Real people made this revolution… ya know?
SUGGESTED READSDear People Magazine, Keep Up the Great Cyclops Coverage
by Jack Pendarvis (2/25/2005)
In the Kingdom of the Unabomber, Part III: The Mark of Zorro.
by Gary Greenberg (8/31/1999)
List: Reasons Bloggers Hate the Mainstream Media
by William Wolfe (11/4/2005)
by Alex J. Mann (12/10/2013)
McSweeney’s Advent Calendar Recommendations!
by McSweeney's (12/10/2013)
Any Given Wednesday Afternoon: Sex Pot: A Get Right Christmas Recipe
by Ian Orti (12/10/2013)
POPULARI Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled
by Melinda Taub (5/18/2011)
Retail Therapy: Inside the Apple Store: It’s a Trap!
by J.K. Appleseed (11/21/2013)
Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (12/26/2012)