The Society of Pain.
BY WILL O'NEILL
Welcome to SufferChat—Your Online Chronic Pain Community! Topic of the Day is: “Perpetual Discomfort That Annihilates All Other Thoughts and Ambitions.”
sally: Oh god why am I sitting at this computer
mrmanic: 27/m/Winnipeg—LF sex standing up, super slowly, very carefully
MOD_painful_poet: Like with a porcupine—and have we not been afflicted with a million needles, as well?
SC_CHATBOT: * WELCOME NEW USERS—JOIN OUR WELCOME SEMINAR TONIGHT @ 7 P.M EST: “HOW MUCH WORSE WILL IT GET? A LOT WORSE.” HOSTED BY A SCREAMING, FORGOTTEN MAN. CLICK TO D/L SKYPE. *
Mod changed topic to: “Agony and Depression in Spite of a Relatively Normal Outward Appearance, and the Irrelevant Pep Talks That Invariably Follow.”
roger: Hi everything hurts—is there anything I can do?
sally: OMG NO
mrmanic: LOL go to the doctor for a LOL. Nothing works. I had four corticosteroid injections three microdiscectomies two spinal fusions
petey: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive golden rings
petey: It really hurt to hold down the ‘I’ key like that :(
Mod changed topic to: “Pseudoscientific Salsa Recipes That Spur Extremely Brief Analgesic Placebo Effects.”
suzy22: The pain is just unending
petey: Same here
sally: Same here
mrmanic: Same here
petey: I really would not have spent so much time on the internet doing nothing if I’d known it would degenerate me to the point that I would hurt myself and not be able to do anything but spend so much time on the internet
sally: Yeah well
mrmanic: LOL I would’ve
suzy22: Hey what drugs are you guys on lets all switch
SC_CHATBOT: * OCPC FORUM IS LOOKING FOR NEW MODS! CAN YOU SAY HOPELESS THINGS ABOUT DIAGNOSTIC IMAGING? SEND PM TO ADMINS W/APP. *
Mod changed topic to: “Innocent Physical Mistakes That Spiral Into Degenerative Traumas Which Render The Conception of Personal Justice Laughable, Plunging You Headlong Into the Madness of the Sheer and Meaningless Chaos of Existence.”
suzy22: Layin’ in bed now w/laptop
mrmanic: Hubba hubba j/k—no thrust left :(
sally: So wut r u guys doin?
suzy22: Can’t do anything
sally: Shouldn’t even be doing this really
MOD_painful_poet: Hi please note the topic of the day
mrmanic: Can’t lay on side anymore to watch TV, Judge Judy isn’t any good without the facial expressions
Mod changed topic to: “Do You Even Care If Vioxx Killed a Bunch of Old People?”
roger: Come on u guys, think positive.
suzy22: OK—am thinking positive. Still hurts.
sally: Same here
mrmanic: Same here
roger: Same here
Mod changed topic to: “What Are We Living For?”
roger: Hey lets talk about everything we used to like to do
mrmanic: OMG will you ever STFU
sally: LOL I love you guys
roger: OK g2g kill myself
petey: Sorry can’t call for help—sciatica killing
petey: Thanks :)
sally: No I meant me
Mod changed topic to: “Obsession With The Past To Which One Can Not Return; Memories of Love and of Having Been Loved; The Feel of Naked Warmth Upon Your Skin of Which You Are No Longer Worthy, or Can Respond Only As a Corpse Does and Which is Visited Upon You Only Out of Loyalty and Pity.”
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