For chrissake, stop sliding your shoes. Pick up your feet when you walk.

Please step away from the baklava and other fine pastries. We’ll let you know when we, the full-time employees who are slowly dying from fluorescent-light poisoning, are done. At that time, you will be free to scrape the icing off the pink box.

Shut up and stop telling me how to do my job. I can change my screen saver on my own!

I hate you and your youth for all of its inspired possibilities.