Things I Said to My Infantry Platoon in Afghanistan, and What I Probably Should Have Said Instead

What I said: “These living conditions are positively Dickensian.”

What I should have said: “This shit is fucked up.”

What I said: “Wow, that firefight was like a bad Beckett play.”

What I should have said: “That shit was fucked up.”

What I said: “Kafka would be impressed with the existential confusion contained in that mission plan.”

What I should have said: “Was that a fucked up plan or what?”

What I said: “I think we’ve all grown tiresome of this war and the quagmire in which we find ourselves.”

What I should have said: “I think we’ve all grown tiresome of this war and the quagmire in which we find ourselves.”