We don’t have any lemon scones today. We do have lemon clones, which are genetically identical.

For 75 cents extra, customers can buy a set of wheels for easy transportation of their “Venti” (extra-large) Frappucino.

If a customer has ordered a “Tall” drink and finds it too small, it can be stretched into a “Venti” drink with the aid of a rack imported from Spain. This procedure also costs 75 cents.

The apple fritters bend light and time towards themselves.

The coffee scoop is expensive ($4.95) because it is made of platinum.

Certain kinds of coffee beans explode when you throw them.

Because of global warming, we are out of ice and can’t make any Frappuccinos right now.

“Yukon Blend” coffee is grown in Alaska. By bears.