This Week’s School Lunches.
Chicken-crisps (hamburger may be substituted), peas, milk. Dessert: apple or chocolate cookie. I can’t sleep unless I check all the switches.
Choice of French-bread pizza or turkey ham sandwich, steamed vegetable mix, chilled peaches, milk. If I bang my head I count 1 plus 1 is 2, 2 plus 2 is 4, 4 plus 4 is 8, 8 plus 8 is 16, and I keep going until I ‘m sure I don’t have brain damage.
If everyone had seven fingers it wouldn’t even be weird because everyone would have seven fingers. We would all go around and say, wouldn’t it be weird if we had five fingers. I can see into the future. Choice of steak-um sandwich or Italian-style cold-cut sub with lettuce and tomato, quick-baked potato, fruit shortcake, milk.
Sometimes when I have to pee I drop a tissue square in the toilet first and then pee on it so no one will hear me, peeing. It really helps to quiet the sound, of the pee, when it goes in the toilet. Steak and cheese sub, carrots, applesauce, milk. Secondary schools add green beans.
When I am older I will carry things around in buckets. All kinds of things. I will have secret areas that I will put them in, and then each day the things in the buckets will be different. I don’t know why I like buckets, but I saw a picture of a lady with wooden shoes on and she was carrying around things in buckets attached to a pole. I asked my dad why, and he said it’s her job. I could do that, easy. Alternate for the week: Chef’s choice.
SUGGESTED READSCome Join Our Prayer Group-Slash-Cheese Tasting-Slash-Orgy
by Jon Methven (9/22/2010)
Alternate Names for Ruth’s Chris Steak House
by Colleen Werthmann (3/22/2000)
An Eating Contest Begun in the Summer of 1996 and Continuing to This Day
by Levi T. Stahl (7/25/2000)
RECENTLYSit Down, Shut Up, and Write Your Fucking Book: Uplifting Tips for the Aspiring Author
by Kira Jane Buxton (2/11/2016)
Martin Shkreli’s Middle School Report Card
by Rachel Klein (2/11/2016)
List: Crime Reports of Classic 1990s Comedies
by Rodney Uhler (2/11/2016)