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Very Wrong Ways to Eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
While doing a somersault over Mary Lou Retton’s bared midsection.
While playing the role of Southern General Stonewall Jackson in a Civil War re-enactment, when you know you should really be loading your musket.
Cutting a hole in your stomach and just shoving it in there.
Wrapped in raw calf liver.
Dipping it intermittently in a bowl of your own saliva so that half the work’s done by the time it’s in your mouth.
Naked, on one leg, with Samuel Barber’s Adagio playing in the background, while standing on the 50-yard line of the RCA Hoosier Dome as the centerpiece of a halftime show during a Colts-Jets preseason football game.
Out of Bill Gates’s navel.
During your Weight Watchers nutritional adviser job interview.
Chewing it up, spitting it into the mouths of baby birds, and then quickly popping the birds into your mouth.
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