[Originally published August 22, 2007.]

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Disappointed Chrissie Hynde by continuing to sob.

Permitted sun to go down on Elton John, thus failing him.

Failed to heed warning to stop in the name of love, broke Diana Ross’s heart.

Was cruel to a heart that was true, much to the chagrin of Elvis Presley.

Stopped prior to getting enough, despite urging to the contrary by Michael Jackson.

Spoke even when told not to by Gwen Stefani.

Stopped believin’, let go of the feelin’, thereby enraging Steve Perry.

Clutched it too tightly, lost control, resulting in tersely worded letter from .38 Special.

Said “never”; Romeo Void merely shook their heads sadly.

Got together with only a few people, made no effort to love one another, received awkward phone call from the Youngbloods.

Monkees left at the station with only their worries after I missed the last train to Clarksville.

Failed to feel the noize, which doesn’t seem like my fault, but Quiet Riot was still peeved.

Stayed perfectly sane, leaving Prince to go crazy by himself, which actually worked out best for everyone.

Went changing to try to please Billy Joel. Total fiasco.