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Ways Jesus Saves.
BY Aaron Burch, Christopher Monks, Elizabeth Ellen, Jensen Whelan, Laura Carney, Matthew Simmons, Melissa Bell, Pasha Malla and Steven Seighman
- Suggests drawing names this year for Xmas exchange
- Wicked fastball that few batters can touch
- Has learned to recognize the first signs of choking
- Water into wine
- Attends matinees rather than evening performances
- Last season’s goals-against average: 1.36
- Cuts his own hair (but not often)
- Cuts his apostles’ hair (but not often)
- Clicks “File,” clicks “Save As,” types an appropriate title in field, clicks “Save,” then prays to God his computer doesn’t lose it
- Dying for your sins
SUGGESTED READSList: Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ
by Andrew Sutherland and Cara Jennison (8/3/2005)
Christ Goes To Happy Hour.
by Duane Swierczynski (4/13/2001)
List: Nicknames for Jesus
by Ed Page (7/16/2003)
RECENTLYLike and Literally Make a Deal
by Charlie Geer (12/6/2013)
Introducing Two New Nick Hornby Titles
by Jess Walter and McSweeney's Books (12/6/2013)
Norse History for Bostonians: The Prose Edda for Bostonians: Gylfaginning, Part I
by Rowdy Geirsson (12/6/2013)
POPULARI Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled
by Melinda Taub (5/18/2011)
Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (12/26/2012)
Retail Therapy: Inside the Apple Store: It’s a Trap!
by J.K. Appleseed (11/21/2013)