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Ways Jesus Saves.
BY Aaron Burch, Christopher Monks, Elizabeth Ellen, Jensen Whelan, Laura Carney, Matthew Simmons, Melissa Bell, Pasha Malla and Steven Seighman
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- Suggests drawing names this year for Xmas exchange
- Wicked fastball that few batters can touch
- Has learned to recognize the first signs of choking
- Water into wine
- Attends matinees rather than evening performances
- Last season’s goals-against average: 1.36
- Cuts his own hair (but not often)
- Cuts his apostles’ hair (but not often)
- Clicks “File,” clicks “Save As,” types an appropriate title in field, clicks “Save,” then prays to God his computer doesn’t lose it
- Dying for your sins
SUGGESTED READSList: Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ
by Andrew Sutherland and Cara Jennison (8/3/2005)
Christ Goes To Happy Hour.
by Duane Swierczynski (4/13/2001)
List: Nicknames for Jesus
by Ed Page (7/16/2003)
RECENTLYVinny’s Joke Consignment and Pawn Shop
by Thomas Scott (4/23/2014)
Testomania: How Rational Are You?
by Janet Manley (4/23/2014)
Jeff Really Hit It Off With the Neighbors When He Rented a Place On Airbnb
by Bob Powers (4/22/2014)