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Ways Jesus Saves.
BY Aaron Burch, Christopher Monks, Elizabeth Ellen, Jensen Whelan, Laura Carney, Matthew Simmons, Melissa Bell, Pasha Malla and Steven Seighman
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- Suggests drawing names this year for Xmas exchange
- Wicked fastball that few batters can touch
- Has learned to recognize the first signs of choking
- Water into wine
- Attends matinees rather than evening performances
- Last season’s goals-against average: 1.36
- Cuts his own hair (but not often)
- Cuts his apostles’ hair (but not often)
- Clicks “File,” clicks “Save As,” types an appropriate title in field, clicks “Save,” then prays to God his computer doesn’t lose it
- Dying for your sins
SUGGESTED READSShhh! It’s a Baby Shower!
by Alysia Gray Painter (12/19/2000)
List: Things You Can Do If You Love Jesus Other Than Honk
by Jen Goodhue (1/24/2006)
List: Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ
by Andrew Sutherland and Cara Jennison (8/3/2005)
RECENTLYIt’s Finally Summer in the Office!
by Kassia Miller (7/23/2014)
List: More Engaging Copy for the Ten Commandments
by David Tate (7/23/2014)
Reviews of New Food
by Various New Food Tasters (7/23/2014)
POPULAROur Band Only Sold One Copy of Our Album and We’d Like it Back
by Jake Tuck (6/26/2014)
List: Lines from The Princess Bride that Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
by Jennifer Simonson (2/23/2012)
Client Feedback On the Creation of the Earth
by Mike Lacher (5/30/2014)