Wow, it’s really great to see so many of you in this session. For the n00bs out there, let me welcome you to our crew and tell you a little about the group.

We are full-time dads and part-time thugs; that’s or motto. Staying at home can be tough. It seems like we’re always running around, changing diapers, or weathering tantrums. It’s difficult to find the time to get together with friends, rob a bank, and murder everyone inside of it. That’s where we come in.

Hang on, guys… Kaylee? Use your words. We don’t hit our friends…

Sorry about that. Hey, Jeff? These assholes are trying to flank me. Could you plant a sticky bomb on the… Thanks, dude.

Anyway, as a stay-at-home dad, it’s a real battle to find any “me” time. Let’s be honest, that hour or so of nap time is about all we’re going to get—so we need to make it count. If you spend it at the Vanilla Unicorn, maxing out the stripper’s Like Meter so she’ll invite you back to her apartment, that’s up to you. When you play Grand Theft Auto, it should be a brief respite from constant needs of your kids and the to-do list your wife leaves for you.

When you roll with the Stay-at-Home Dads’ Crew, we understand time is of the essence. If we’re going on a shooting spree at the Del Perro Pier, we need to be ruthless and efficient, because any one of us may need to duck out at a moment’s notice to take our kids to Kindermusic.

Christ—I’ve got a spit-up situation here. Jeff, you’re going to need to take the lead for a bit. MegansDad187—try to climb that construction site and snipe those guys by the Mod Shop… Oh yeah, this is everywhere. It’s in-between the couch cushions and these sweatpants are pretty much ruined.

You see, that’s exactly the kind of flexibility you can expect in this crew. We’ve got your back: Whether you’re trying to shake the cops with a four-star wanted level or you just need to step into the kitchen to warm up a bottle of your wife’s breast milk, we’re there for each other.

The Stay-at-Home Dads’ Crew is more than just a bunch of guys whose careers hit dead-ends and who decided to stay home with their kids. We share a common set of values: exploratory play, stealth takedowns, nutritious snacks, body armor. We always put our kids first and we always pwn trolls via one-on-one Deathmatches…

Kaylee, we share our toys in this house. We share our… Thank you. Daddy’s proud of you…

Jeff? That guy just stole my motorcycle. Let’s follow him to his apartment and destroy everything he owns.

Anyway, most of us are usually online somewhere between noon and 3 pm, except for Brian, who’s trying the “no cry” method, so who the hell knows when his kids nap. Just log in and you can search for a session with…

Oh shit, guys. My wife’s in the driveway. I think she heard the TV on. I’ll see you tomorrow if I’m not busted. Jeff, text me and let me know how the gang attack goes.