Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
What I Found in My Two-Year-Old Son’s Playroom.
BY JOHN MOE
Three bears lie on the floor, facedown, as if killed execution-style.
A blue convertible is tipped over and pinned against a wall. A clown sits inside.
In a three-story house, all of the furniture is turned upside down. A cowboy lies on his back on the third floor, near a bed but not in it. On the first floor is a slice of pizza as big as the cowboy.
A New York City bus is overturned next to a bulldozer bearing a cheerful expression and a small duck.
Various plates, cups, and utensils are strewn about the floor. There is also a teapot turned upside down. In the middle sits a smiling Winnie the Pooh with a hammer nearby.
A three-piece train, which is meant to transport animals to a circus, is flipped on its side with all cars disconnected from one another. The tiger, elephant, and monkey are nowhere to be seen.
A hula dancer is pinned beneath an enormous rabbit. Both are smiling.
An amusement park is in shambles: the ferris wheel is on its side; the airplanes have been removed from the airplane ride; and the highest part of the roller coaster has been snapped off. A balloon bearing the phrase “Get Well Soon!” hovers above.
Raggedy Ann is splayed on her back inside a large wicker basket. Her leg is in the mouth of Kermit the Frog.
A bookshelf, removed from the three-story house descrbed earlier, lies on the vinyl flooring across the room, near the washing machine. A smiling ape sits on top of it.
SUGGESTED READSOpen Letters: An Open Letter to Anyone Who Has Experienced My Son’s Meltdowns
by Katie Schneider (5/14/2010)
Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally
by Sarah Schmelling (1/11/2010)
Our Daughter Isn’t a Selfish Brat; Your Son Just Hasn’t Read Atlas Shrugged
by Eric Hague (8/12/2010)
RECENTLYSentient Cloud of Poisonous Gas Seeks Companion
by Sam Shelstad (2/27/2015)
Open Letters: An Open Letter to Women Who Shame Catcalling
by Wendy Litner (2/27/2015)
List: Existentialist Quotes for Social Media Platforms
by Jim Sabataso (2/27/2015)
POPULARReasons You Were Not Promoted That are Totally Unrelated to Gender
by Homa Mojtabai (1/27/2015)
List: What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
by Mara Wilson (2/10/2015)
Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (12/26/2012)