Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
What I Found in My Two-Year-Old Son’s Playroom.
BY JOHN MOE
Three bears lie on the floor, facedown, as if killed execution-style.
A blue convertible is tipped over and pinned against a wall. A clown sits inside.
In a three-story house, all of the furniture is turned upside down. A cowboy lies on his back on the third floor, near a bed but not in it. On the first floor is a slice of pizza as big as the cowboy.
A New York City bus is overturned next to a bulldozer bearing a cheerful expression and a small duck.
Various plates, cups, and utensils are strewn about the floor. There is also a teapot turned upside down. In the middle sits a smiling Winnie the Pooh with a hammer nearby.
A three-piece train, which is meant to transport animals to a circus, is flipped on its side with all cars disconnected from one another. The tiger, elephant, and monkey are nowhere to be seen.
A hula dancer is pinned beneath an enormous rabbit. Both are smiling.
An amusement park is in shambles: the ferris wheel is on its side; the airplanes have been removed from the airplane ride; and the highest part of the roller coaster has been snapped off. A balloon bearing the phrase “Get Well Soon!” hovers above.
Raggedy Ann is splayed on her back inside a large wicker basket. Her leg is in the mouth of Kermit the Frog.
A bookshelf, removed from the three-story house descrbed earlier, lies on the vinyl flooring across the room, near the washing machine. A smiling ape sits on top of it.
SUGGESTED READSOpen Letters: An Open Letter to Anyone Who Has Experienced My Son’s Meltdowns
by Katie Schneider (5/14/2010)
Toddler Discipline Made Easy
by Julie Vick (7/14/2015)
List: Foolproof Ways to Get Your Toddler to Wear Socks
by Jeremy Blachman (11/12/2015)
RECENTLYI Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
by Robin Lee Mozer (5/2/2016)
List: Member Benefits of My Woman Card
by Darcy McMurtery (5/2/2016)
My Own Private Shock Corridor: My Ontological Argument: Part 1 — Shadow of a Doubt
by Bob Schneider (5/2/2016)
POPULARList: Titles of Bach Chorales, as Translated By My Niece After One Semester of German
by Nolan Bonvouloir (4/15/2016)
How to Negotiate a Raise (If You’re a Woman)
by Maura Quint (4/15/2016)
Here Are the Times I Am Typically Free to Meet
by Joe Saunders (4/18/2016)