Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
What I Learned Listening to AM Radio.
BY George Ford
1. Men should get their wives/girlfriends one of three things for Valentine’s Day: a teddy bear, a star named after them, or an ownership share in a winning racehorse.
2. Jason Giambi “owes” us more.
3. Susan Sarandon is a socialist. John Kerry is a socialist. Bill Clinton is a socialist. Hillary Clinton is a socialist. Howard Dean is a socialist. Also, I’m a socialist. You’re a socialist. Ted Kennedy is crazy, a murderer, and overweight. He is also a socialist.
4. All callers to sports talk radio shows are barely literate Italian kids named Joe.
5. Sometimes they’re named Joey.
6. Everything in Iraq is going just fine.
7. If you or someone you love has been affected by conditions involving asbestos, you should hire the legal team of Levy, Phillips & Konigsberg. They can help you understand your rights and get the compensation you deserve.
8. Trial lawyers who prosecute asbestos cases are all socialists.
9. Larry King drinks Welch’s grape juice at dinner instead of wine, like a normal person would.
10. God is just awesome.
11. Gay people have an “agenda.”
12. The Knicks suck. But I already knew that.
SUGGESTED READSThe Ten Worst Films of 1942; As Reviewed by Ezra Pound Over Italian Radio
by Greg Purcell (2/14/2000)
Dear Mr. Colorful Radio Personality
by Stephany Aulenback (5/31/2000)
On Tour with Bob Edwards
by B.R. Cohen (5/5/2004)
RECENTLYLost Scenes from Generic Hipster Indie Romance Films Found in 2076 During a Museum Restoration of an Old MacBook Air and Subsequently Adapted for the Stage During Heritage Week at a Camp for 7th and 8th Graders Later That Summer
by Bethany Billman (7/22/2014)
McSweeney’s Quarterly Presents: The Road to 50
by McSweeney's (7/22/2014)
I Like Big Brass and I Cannot Lie: Confessions from the Tuba World: Enough Tuba Talk—Let’s Listen
by Elizabeth Eshelman (7/22/2014)
POPULAROur Band Only Sold One Copy of Our Album and We’d Like it Back
by Jake Tuck (6/26/2014)
List: Lines from The Princess Bride that Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
by Jennifer Simonson (2/23/2012)
Client Feedback On the Creation of the Earth
by Mike Lacher (5/30/2014)