[Originally published July 5, 2011.]

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Tears For Fears: You have used whiteout on a pair of white loafers.

Art of Noise: You have been paid to be furniture at a party.

Pat Benatar: You have had three or more Superball bruises at one time.

Air Supply: You have punched an arcade game hard enough to injure yourself.

Eddie Money: You have eaten several Shrinky-Dinks on purpose.

Bryan Adams: Your hair smells faintly like barbecue sauce.

Dexy’s Midnight Runners: Your shower smells like Skittles and unfiltered cigarettes.

Dead or Alive: Your pet smells like Goldschlager.

Tangerine Dream: You have a half-full can of Sanka at the back of your cupboard.

Devo: You have dissected a Nintendo game.

Simple Minds: You have tasted a scented pen.

Kajagoogoo: You have used AquaNet in self-defense.

Limahl: You have used Nair in self-defense.

Naked Eyes: You have almost been tricked into eating silly string on a saltine.

Gary Numan: You own more than one pair of sock garters.

Mike and the Mechanics: You have thrown a Rolodex at a raccoon or skunk.

Peter Gabriel: You know what Fimo tastes like.

Roxette: You have injured yourself with a Q-Tip.

Madonna: Your bedroom smells like Midori.

B-52s: Your laundry room smells like Midori.

Richard Marx: You have woken up to a dog licking your hair.

Wham!: You have made nachos while on ecstasy.

The Cure: You have several bracelets or rings you cannot remove.

Berlin: The last book you read used “countenance” as a verb.

This Mortal Coil: You know the act, scene and line that “this mortal coil” comes from.

Billy Idol: You own a piece of clothing that involves both argyle and leather.

Robert Palmer: You have used “argyle” as a verb.

Tommy Tutone: You have attempted to use a Polaroid picture as an ID.

Rick Astley: You have used a hairnet as a handbag.

Bangles: You have chewed gum while delivering a keynote speech or eulogy.

Psychedelic Furs: You have worn sunglasses through an entire tooth cleaning.

The English Beat: You have injured yourself while doing the Electric Slide.

General Public: You have injured yourself while doing the Centipede.

Madness: You have injured several bystanders while doing the Centipede.

Men at Work: You wear shorts with boots at least once a week.

Eurythmics: You have lost a mood ring in a hot tub.

The Smiths: You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.

Joy Division: You have been bitten by a cat while trying to dress it in period costume.

New Order: You own several fish tanks but no fish.

A Flock of Seagulls: You have destroyed a calculator watch in anger.

Men Without Hats: You have accidentally dropped a pager into a tub of frozen yogurt.

Nena: You have put a cigarette out in a piece of birthday cake.

John Cougar Mellencamp: You have put a cigarette out in an
industrial-sized jar of relish.

Loverboy: You have eaten relish as a meal.

Rick Springfield: Your wallet weighs over a pound.

Falco: You have killed a fly with a program from Cats.

Michael Jackson: You have exploded a beanbag chair by landing on it.

Huey Lewis and the News: You are hanging from monkey bars in two or more successive class pictures.

The Police: You have shattered a Rubik’s Cube with a rock.

Sting: You have tried and failed to shatter a Rubik’s Cube with a rock.

Big Country: You have a Highlander poster in a tube in the back of your closet.

Soft Cell: You mouth the words when you watch Highlander.

A-ha: You own a VCR with a copy of Highlander stuck in it.

Survivor: You have cut a Nerf football in half to see what was inside.

INXS: You have knocked someone over with an Aerobie.

Thomas Dolby: You have used a laserdisc as a shaving mirror.

Pet Shop Boys: You have woken up next to an empty bottle of Magic Shell.

Mr. Mister: You have forgotten soup in the freezer and ice cream in the microwave on the same night.

Wang Chung: You have a money clip with an amusement park logo printed on it.

Bauhaus: You know what LARPing is.

OMD: You have gone to a party dressed as a dark elf.

Culture Club: You have woken up under someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Ministry: You have thrown up on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Cocteau Twins: You have spilled Zima on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Toni Basil: You have spilled Zima into a motel heating vent.

The Pointer Sisters: You dot your i’s with hearts.

The Pretenders: You are excellent at dodgeball.

ABC: You were one of the first ten people in history to drop a cell phone in a toilet.

Lionel Richie: You have shaved a word into your hair.

The Cars: You have hit a whiffle ball with a fake lightsaber.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood: You have woken up under your high school gym teacher.

Joan Jett: You have woken up on top of your high school gym teacher.

Simply Red: You have temporarily blinded someone by whipping your hair into them.

Europe: You think Europe is Asia.

Asia: You think Asia is Europe.

REM: You minored in something.

Cyndi Lauper: You have lost several silk scarves to escalators.

Starship: You consistently pay for extra cheese at Subway.

The Fixx: You have sunbathed in a suit.

Phil Collins: You have worn shorts while accepting an award or diploma.

Go-Go’s: Your favorite air freshener is Vanillaroma.

Bananarama: Your favorite air freshener is New Car.

Prince: You have used a hamster ball as a cocktail shaker.

Depeche Mode: You have drawn Tintin or the Little Prince in the margin of a math test.

Erasure: You have been caught kissing a copy of The Little Prince.

Thompson Twins: You have been spanked with a copy of The Little Prince.

Human League: You have been spanked with a VHS copy of The Neverending Story.

The Clash: Your safety word is “Nicaragua.”

Grace Jones: Your safety word is forty-seven syllables long.

Brian Eno: Your safety word is “10011101.”

Duran Duran: Your safety word is “Kim Wilde.”

Kim Wilde: You have forgotten your safety word.