“I think they’re in the last throes, if you will,
of the insurgency.”

—Dick Cheney (2005, Larry King Live)

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Japanese Cheney-San
1945, NAGASAKI

“People, uh, listen, people. I think the dignity-hating radioactive menace raining down and through us is in the last throes, if you will, of obliterating us.”

Passenger-Pigeon Cheney
1899, OHIO

“Seriously, Britt, these flight-hating humans are done, we’ve beaten them back, it’s over, adios, sayonara, things are on the up and up from here on out, away from the fashionable hats and back to blackening the sky with our masses.”

Aztec Cheney
1519, TEOTIHUACÁN

“Stick a fork in ’em, Larry. With Quetzalcoatl and our freedom-loving cannibalism behind us, I can tell you that, errrr, Cortés is in the last throes of this meek genocide.”

Roman Theodosius Cheney
455, ROME

“Laughable, Hannityus, laughable. Goths, shmoths, these insurgents. They es in suum permaneo per.”

The Last Oreos in the Bag Cheney
1987, KROGER

“That pathetic kid, I see his face, and I’m looking at our double-stuffed intelligence, and I can say those teeth are in their last throes … everything’s gonna be fine. That big glass of 2 percent Grade A will be the dunking of victory!”

The Cheney X7G-iiC
2253, AMERI-WORLD

“Larry, I’m sitting here—well, bolted here, heh heh—and the way we’re looking at this, the swarming billions upon billions of freedom-hating Seyfert II-galaxy M77 insurgents are in their last throes. From here in my escape pod, I can see that this moment of total apocalyptic horror is just about past. These are aliens who disagree with our policies, our ways of programming. You’ll always have the naysayers. It’s us or them, Larry 2Xiv-Q.”