What My Soldier Would Be Saying In the Video Game Modern Combat 3 If He Were One of the Soldiers You Hear On the Walkie Talkie (1/8/2013)

Pleased to Meet the Facebook Version of You (10/12/2012)

My Thank You Speech for Poetry Class (8/2/2012)

The Hobbies Section of My Résumé (6/26/2012)

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Season 99 (1/25/2012)

Notes from Poetry Class (11/18/2011)

As a Background Extra in The Film’s Café Scene, You Can Say Anything So Long as You Appear to Be Smiling and Talking (7/12/2011)

The School of Roadie (6/16/2011)

I Just Found Out ABC Family is Going to Pass on My Pitch (3/25/2011)

List: Growing Up, Our Neighbor Never Called Her Grandmother “Grandma.” (2/17/2011)

The Genius Bar (1/26/2011)

Five Surprisingly Effective Dinner Party Riddles That I Can Personally Guarantee (11/23/2010)

Use The Power of Subliminal Advertising in Your Brochure Text (9/29/2010)

When I Was Using Allen’s Computer, I Changed Some of the Talking Points in His Work Speech. (2/16/2010)

Imagining U2’s Next Stage (11/10/2009)

I Can Triple Your Sales or Income With My Simple Sex/Heroin System (6/23/2009)

Jokes for People With Body-Image Problems Tied to Low Self-Esteem (5/2/2009)

Truly Groundbreaking Marketing Research: Understanding Twitter (3/31/2009)

I Wonder What They’re Saying in Bon Jovi’s Preconcert Prayer Circle (12/11/2008)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 22 (9/19/2008)

My Therapist Thinks I Did My Vision Board Wrong, but I’m Pretty Sure I Nailed It (8/19/2008)

Your Millions Never Came: The Good News Is That I’m Making a Comeback (6/19/2008)

Youth Culture Findings (5/2/2008)

List: All Tomorrow’s Pills (4/10/2008)

More Truly Groundbreaking Copywriting (1/14/2008)

Linkedin Invitation E Mail Copy Revised (11/28/2007)

Punching Up The Script: Car Wash (1976) (10/29/2007)

I Can Tell Millions Of Dollars Wouldn’t Make You Happy Anyway: A Brief Follow Up With Regard To My Losing Your Money (7/27/2007)

List: My Father’s Harper’s Index (7/12/2007)

Again, I’m Sorry I Failed To Make Millions Of Dollars On Your Behalf: A Follow Up Letter (4/6/2007)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 21 (3/13/2007)

Failing At Flirting With The Hot Girl At The Office Where My Friend Works (3/8/2007)

List: I Can’t Remember What It’s Called When You Mix Up the Letters in a Word to Form a New Word (2/22/2007)

The “I’m Sorry I Failed To Make You Rich” Letter (1/17/2007)

A Note to the Groom (9/22/2006)

Silly Things My 3-Year-Old Said That I’m Certain the Rest of the World Would Find Sweet and Cute (8/18/2006)

Warnings I’ve Tried To Sneak Into The Fine Print At The Bottom Of Your Tv Screen. (7/12/2006)

Truly Groundbreaking Ideas In Direct Mail (5/2/2006)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 20 (4/19/2006)

Six Inspirational Sayings I’ve Yet To Find On The Side Of A Box Of Tea (4/18/2006)

Public Service Announcement Revised (3/23/2006)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 19 (3/15/2006)

My Observational Comedy Bits That Continually Bomb In Comedy Clubs (3/1/2006)

1997: The Year Tooth Whitening Broke (2/3/2006)

Truly Groundbreaking Advertising Ideas (12/22/2005)

List: Amended Tag Lines for Arby’s (12/14/2005)

When Cops Bomb (12/8/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 18 (12/1/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 17 (10/29/2005)

List: My Rejected Cooking Show Ideas (10/21/2005)

Pretty Much the Way Some Tool on the Plane Was Telling Jokes While I Was Wondering If We Were All Going to Die in a Thunderstorm Over the Atlantic Ocean (9/23/2005)

List: I Can Never Recall the Name of Brooklyn’s New Hip Band (9/16/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 16 (9/15/2005)

Trying to Translate What My Girlfriend Is Saying in Swedish While She’s on the Phone to Her Mother (8/25/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 15 (8/13/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 14 (6/5/2005)

Please Sign My 37th-Year Book (5/31/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 13 (4/9/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 12 (2/19/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 11 (2/8/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper – Installment 11 (2/1/2005)

Making Reruns of Television Sitcoms More Exciting by Adding a Weapon (1/19/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper (1/5/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 10 (12/17/2004)

Condensed Letters to Penthouse Forum (11/29/2004)

I Lost My Greeting-Card Gig Because of My Drinking (10/28/2004)

List: The Search Continues: Places Where O.J. Simpson Has Not Found the Killer (10/20/2004)

Near-Genius at Work: Dan Kennedy Writes His Next Book (9/30/2004)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 9 (7/28/2004)

Five Rejected Opening Lines for the CBS Evening News in New York (6/6/2004)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 8 (6/2/2004)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 7 (5/15/2004)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 6 (3/29/2004)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 5 (9/27/2003)

Smokesignals: The New Official Newsletter of Coyote Sam’s Cowboy Grill® (9/23/2003)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 4 (9/6/2003)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 3 (8/15/2003)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 2 (8/4/2003)

You Have Problems with Paper, I Have Paper and Paper-Product-Related Credentials…No Problem (7/24/2003)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 1 (7/12/2003)

The Cap’n Picks Up His Quill Again (6/25/2003)

Mom’s Set List (6/16/2003)

Pun About Death Goes Here for Title: An Interview with Jim Keller, Groundskeeper at the Marysville Cemetery (5/12/2003)

Opening Lines I’ve Tried to Shock My Middle Class Father With on the Phone (10/10/2002)

Have No Insurance, Will Freelance (9/5/2002)

Evidently, It Was Live Then (9/3/2002)

No Excuses (8/15/2002)

At the Musée Picasso (7/25/2002)

List: Almost Rhymes With Orange (7/1/2002)

List: The Wrong Mantras (6/16/2002)

A Memo From The Cap’n (5/28/2002)

Bob Ross Paints A Familiar Picture (5/9/2002)

Cap’n Cook’s Code of Conduct (5/1/2002)

List: What Was Asked of Jeeves, on March 5, 2002 (4/22/2002)

New Jelly Belly Recipes (4/9/2002)

Four Note Cards I Never Sent (4/2/2002)

What They’re Saying In The Ambient Background Of Pink Floyd Songs (3/11/2002)

Spicing Things Up (2/25/2002)

List: Excerpts from Letters to the Editor That Appeared Recently in The Paradise Post, a California Newspaper (2/5/2002)

List: Actual Usernames of Participants in a Recent Online Discussion of the War in Afghanistan (1/21/2002)