A McSweeney’s Kickstarter Testimonial

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“It was May, 1999 or so, give or take a year, and I had hit the road, tired of working for the ‘man.’ I was thumbing rides, and hopping boxcars or ‘shuffling squaretops’ (hobo slang). I was a loner, didn’t want or need another’s company. I was tired, strung out. I’d been working 80-hour weeks writing copy for a hot new product called ‘the Internet.’ One night I was holed up in a tree outside of Phoenix and from my perch I could see a young punk fussing with a rusty bicycle outside of the public library. I yelled down, ‘Hey, man! Don’t ya got no sense?’ and he scattered like he’d heard a ghost. I got to thinking bout that library down there and fell asleep dreaming of the possibilities. In the morning I crawled over to the entrance like a baby on a trail of crumbs. A kind lady let me in early and I got the first seat in front of their brand new computer. I logged onto the devil himself, wondering if I’d regret it, but then to my surprise I found me a little site called ‘McSweeney’s.’ It was a gateway, man. Finally the devil had redeemed himself. It was as if Saint Peter had popped his head out and said, ‘Hey, ‘bo, life can be a breeze if you let it, ya know?’ I made an about face, and now I run a chain of carpet shops in the Midwest. All thanks to McSweeney’s. So please support their Kickstarter.”
— Ted Travelstead, actor, writer, longtime Tendency contributor, and 41st ranked carpet salesperson in the Midwest

Visit our Kickstarter page to pledge your support.

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ARTICLES BY
Jesse Eisenberg

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: The Ashram and Mom (12/12/2013)

Alexander Graham Bell’s First Five Phone Calls (11/12/2013)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: The Museum of Natural History and Making Compromises (11/1/2013)

A Post Gender Normative Woman Tries to Pick Up a Man at a Bar (10/2/2013)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: A Crawfish Boil and Dad’s New Family (8/6/2013)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Fuddruckers and an Unreliable New Friend (6/3/2013)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Matthew’s House (2/22/2013)

Body Rituals Among the Lauxesortem (12/11/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Thanksgiving With Vegans (11/21/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Organix vs. the San Gennaro Street Festival (10/2/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Robert Frost Elementary School Cafeteria (8/20/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Tcby. (8/1/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: The Whiskey Blue Bar at the W Hotel (7/9/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Masgouf (6/6/2012)

Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old: Sushi Nozawa (5/24/2012)

Jeremy Lin Has Helped Me Through Some Pretty Tough Times (2/15/2012)

A Post Gender Normative Man Tries to Pick Up a Woman at a Bar (12/28/2011)

Marxist-Socialists Jokes (2/24/2010)

Manageable Tongue Twisters. (11/30/2009)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by donating to our Kickstarter campaign.