A McSweeney’s Kickstarter Testimonial

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“It was May, 1999 or so, give or take a year, and I had hit the road, tired of working for the ‘man.’ I was thumbing rides, and hopping boxcars or ‘shuffling squaretops’ (hobo slang). I was a loner, didn’t want or need another’s company. I was tired, strung out. I’d been working 80-hour weeks writing copy for a hot new product called ‘the Internet.’ One night I was holed up in a tree outside of Phoenix and from my perch I could see a young punk fussing with a rusty bicycle outside of the public library. I yelled down, ‘Hey, man! Don’t ya got no sense?’ and he scattered like he’d heard a ghost. I got to thinking bout that library down there and fell asleep dreaming of the possibilities. In the morning I crawled over to the entrance like a baby on a trail of crumbs. A kind lady let me in early and I got the first seat in front of their brand new computer. I logged onto the devil himself, wondering if I’d regret it, but then to my surprise I found me a little site called ‘McSweeney’s.’ It was a gateway, man. Finally the devil had redeemed himself. It was as if Saint Peter had popped his head out and said, ‘Hey, ‘bo, life can be a breeze if you let it, ya know?’ I made an about face, and now I run a chain of carpet shops in the Midwest. All thanks to McSweeney’s. So please support their Kickstarter.”
— Ted Travelstead, actor, writer, longtime Tendency contributor, and 41st ranked carpet salesperson in the Midwest

Visit our Kickstarter page to pledge your support.

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ARTICLES BY
Susan Schorn

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Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 58: The Tongues of Trolls (5/14/2015)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 57: DIY (3/17/2015)

Jingle Bell FAQ (12/24/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 56: Family Traditions (12/23/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 55: Cage Match: Victorian Novelist Edition (10/8/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 54: Control Freaks (8/21/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 53: For the Eye Sees Not Itself (8/1/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 52: The Bravery of Being Out of Range (4/29/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 51: Strangled in the Crib: Friday Night Tykes and the Long Slow Death of Caring (3/3/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 50: Violence, Incognito (1/28/2014)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 49: Sorry, Thank You, Please (11/20/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 48: In the Shower with Janet Leigh (10/17/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 47: The Lady, or the Tire Iron? (8/29/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 46: We Will Lift Each Other Up (7/15/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 45: Crouching Tiger, Sitting Duck (6/13/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 44: Invisible Jeffrey (5/1/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 43: It’s the Little Things (3/12/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 42: The Women of Schorndorf (2/19/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 41: Acceptable Losses (1/11/2013)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 40: Intersections (12/11/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 39: Making Weight (10/30/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 38: The F-Word (9/24/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 37: Scrimmage (8/15/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 36: Castrating Daniel Tosh (7/20/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 35: Tigers, Tigers (6/19/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 34: Arms and the Man (5/2/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 33: Rumblestrutting (3/8/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 32: Fuck the Dude Up (2/3/2012)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 31: Moral Hazard and The Chubby Blue Line (12/5/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 30: Where Anglos Fear to Tread (11/15/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 29: Sven Knudsen (8/10/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 28: Princesses (6/8/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 27: If I Had a Hammer (5/10/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 26: Below the Belt (4/6/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 25: Mano a Mano (2/21/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 24: Connecting (1/26/2011)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 23: The Insanity Defense (12/10/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 22: Amber Portwood’s Very Bad Day (11/4/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 21: Lockdown: Austin, Texas, September 28, (10/4/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 20: Sticks and Stones (9/29/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 19: Speaking as a Woman Who Has Been Punched in the Face… (9/8/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 18: Breaking the Mirror (8/2/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 17: A Child’s Garden of Moral Danger (7/8/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 16: Cross, Training (6/22/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 15: Security (6/3/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 14: A Short and Potentially Hazardous Guide to Sparring Strategy (5/17/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 13: Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Miscellaneous (4/28/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 12: You Say You Want a Non-Violent Revolution (4/8/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 11: On Impact (3/19/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 10: Pain is Womanly, and Other Bullshit Myths of Childbirth (3/1/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 9: Ghost Stories (2/11/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 8: Sparring Class (1/22/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 7: Choose Your Weapons (1/7/2010)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 6: Tidings of Comfort and, uh,… (12/15/2009)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 5: Women Beware Women (11/30/2009)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 4: Lineage (11/9/2009)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 3: Madness (10/20/2009)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 2: Dressing Up, Looking Down (10/1/2009)

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Column 1: The Rules (9/16/2009)

Little Housing Crisis on the Prairie (1/7/2009)

Secret Service Emergency-Response Protocol 1127B: If the President Falls Down a Well (8/29/2008)

Worse Things Happen at Sea (6/18/2008)

Borges Teaches Self-Defense (5/6/2008)

Midlife-Crisis Bible Stories (3/14/2008)

List: NFL Players Whose Names Sound Vaguely Dickensian, and the Characters They Would Be in an Actual Dickens Novel (2007–2008 Regular Season Edition) (2/1/2008)

Midterm Exam On Kelly, The Woman With Whom My Husband Had An Affair (9/27/2007)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by donating to our Kickstarter campaign.