The Secret
Language
of Sleep:
A Couple's Guide
to the Thirty-nine
Positions.
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To order
The Secret Language of Sleep,
click here.
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Classic Spoons
Simple, romantic, tried and true, Spoons (or Spooning) is easily
the most well-known sleeping pose. Cynics attribute its popularity to the
position's mind-numbing simplicity, but those who dismiss Classic Spoons as
too easy, or overly quaint, simply are not doing it right.
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Conjoined Twins, Head (Craniopagus)
Conjoined Twins can sometimes overcompensate in their attempts to simulate
real affection, and will shower outsiders with wildly inappropriate gifts
(cars, underwear emblazoned with uncomfortable slogans) or stand far too
close. Before long, co-workers and constituents learn to steer clear, which,
happily, lets Twins return to their naturally anti-social behaviors.
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Crime Scene
Couples who find themselves drawn to the Crime Scene position tend to be
individualists who thrive in loosely structured environments with few or no
confining dress codes, and they often make fine phlebotomists.
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Excalibur
Like gorgeously plated food or a song filled with unusual harmonies, Excalibur
couples—the wan and freckled hand-in-hand with the tragically tan, the
pigeon-toed with the duck-walkers—achieve such perfection in their
pairing that it reminds the world that anything is possible.
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