Reviews of
The Secret Language
of Sleep:
A Couple's Guide
to the Thirty-Nine
Positions.
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The Secret Language of Sleep,
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New York Post
"Bed of Lies: How You Sleep Reveals the Secrets of Your Love Life"
By Mandy Stadtmiller
Your stars are aligned, you both like late-night infomercials and salsa dancing and the sex—oh my, the sex!—is fantastic.
But something is still not quite right.
The problem, it turns out, may lie in the way you sleep. Whether you are a
Melting Spooner (you suffer from "almost crippling interdependence," sorry)
or a healthy Classic Spooner ("simple, romantic, tried and true"), author
Evany Thomas deciphers the hidden meanings of 38 nighttime cuddles in a new
treatise, "The Secret Language of Sleep."
"The way that we sleep reveals a great deal about our personalities,"
explains the 35-year-old San Franciscan and self-described Classic Spooner.
"We spend a third of our time together asleep, and it's where we have our
most unguarded moments. Trying new sleeping arrangements can be used in an
almost prescriptive manner as an alternative to couples therapy."
For mates completely stuck in their Pinching Koala and Tree ways (lots of knee squeezing) or who are avowed Ticket Punchers (plenty of hot toe-on-toe action), Thomas purports to explain what each snuggle means using a mixture of research ranging from hard science to soft tarot, with a sprinkling of survival guides, yoga and ventriloquism thrown in for good measure.
"People are looking for new ways to evaluate their relationships," she says.
"It's a very pure area of exploration."
Engagement on the rocks? Envy of all your friends? About to have a child?
The secret lies in the tangle of limbs—or lack thereof.
"Take the Downward Koala," Thomas says of the acrobatic position, which
actually mimics two koalas intertwined. "It's almost like a little too much
clinginess. This might be the kind of couple that finds themselves attracted
to the same disaster again and again."
A sleeping position can also be indicative of a couple on the verge. In the
too-close-for-comfort Turnstile position, one partner's leg encroaches on the other's behind, which can mimic a trapped sensation.
"Turnstile is an example of maybe not a red flag but a pink flag," Thomas
says. "You might want to put some attention into thinking what's going on in
the relationship. Maybe you're about to adopt kids, not necessarily break
up."
Sleeping on opposite ends of the bed, however, doesn't usually indicate a
sign of trouble. On the contrary, a position like Cliffhanger, where each
person is curled up in opposite-facing fetal poses, can be one of the
healthiest moves a couple can make.
"It can look like they're in a huge argument," she says, "but it's really a
couple that has just found a love of personal space."
Then again, some partners might love their personal space a little too much.
According to a new survey by the National Sleep Foundation, nearly a quarter
sleep physically apart.
"Many people like to snuggle but by the end of the night they'd rather be in
different zip codes," says Pete Bils, senior director of sleep innovation at
Select Comfort, a Minnesota-based bedding retailer. "The prevailing thought
is to really figure out why you're not sleeping in the same room and try to
alleviate that."
Thomas couldn't agree more. She advocates mixing up positions, not only to
find the one that is the ideal but also to spice up a relationship.
"It's a way to make it seem like you are cheating without cheating," she
says. "Your sleeping partner can seem like an entirely new person."
Which pose to start with? Maybe ¡Dormimos!, where bodies lie like two
exclamation points in the Spanish language. Or Bread and Spread, where one
person sandwiches the other.
"If you can, I also recommend investing in some kind of ceiling-mounted
camera and hooking it up with time lapse," Thomas says. "You can even have a
third party come in and act like a sleeping ombudsman."
Is that not enough adorableness for you?
"If you don't have a logo, maybe hire a designer to create one," she adds.
"Put it on the pajamas or the sheets or pillowcases for some kind of team
spirit."
Sounds a bit ... Melting Spoony, doesn't it?
"Right, well, if you have those kinds of problems, you might want to back
off," she concurs. "And you probably don't want to go right into logo design
when you first start dating."
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