Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond

- - - -

Send your nonfictional open letters to openletters@mcsweeneys.net.

- - - -
- - - -
An Open Letter to Limp Bizkit
by Emily Costa (6/21/2016)

An Open Letter to the Like-Minded Mom at McDonald’s PlayPlace
by Sarah Satterlee (6/10/2016)

An Open Letter to the US Immigration Officer Who Confused Me for a Criminal
by Felipe Torres Medina (5/20/2016)

An Open Letter to My Son’s Recorder
by Julie Scagell (5/12/2016)

An Open Letter to Grammar Nazis
by Ethan Scofield (4/13/2016)

An Open Letter to People Who Don’t Say My Name
by Zainab Hussain (4/1/2016)

An Open Letter to Magazine Editors On the Best Times to Send Rejections
by Kavita Das (2/10/2016)

An Open Letter to Charles Darwin and God About the Hair Sprouting From My Ears
by Russ Vandermaas-Peeler (1/28/2016)

An Open Letter to the Man Who Unexpectedly Ghosted Me
by Maddy Smith (1/20/2016)

An Open Letter to All of the Daughters
by Patton Halliday Quinn (11/11/2015)

An Open Letter to College Students with Middle-Aged Female Professors
by Angie Pelekidis (10/15/2015)

An Open Letter to Recent College Grads Who Are Already Paying Their Own Phone Bills
by Jenna Barnett (10/1/2015)

An Open Letter to Pumpkin-Flavored Seasonal Treats
by Ilana Plen (9/23/2015)

An Open Letter to White People in My MFA Program
by Wyl Villacres (9/18/2015)

An Open Letter to Bands That Invite Audiences to Sing Portions of Their Songs at Live Shows
by Luke Pohjala (9/4/2015)

An Open Letter to 17-Year-Old Boys Who Just Discovered The Doors
by Brad Lawrence (8/28/2015)

An Open Letter to My Coworker, Who After Learning I Have a College Degree, Asked, “Why Do You Work Here Then?”

by Denise Parker (8/21/2015)

An Open Letter to Charlton Heston’s Cold, Dead Hands
by Rob Curran (8/13/2015)

An Open Letter to the Icelandic Phallological Museum
by Eliese Colette Goldbach (8/7/2015)

An Open Letter to That Mother at the Park With Those Perfect Daughters
by Ashley Lefrak (7/31/2015)

An Open Letter to the Fracking Industry
by Lee Ziesche (7/23/2015)

An Open Letter to Nicole Kidman, Mariah Carey and Julia Roberts’s Circa 1990s Curly Hair
by Melissa Sweazy (6/26/2015)

An Open Letter to the Bewildering Number of Ways to Spell “Brittany.”
by Tom Reynolds (6/19/2015)

An Open Letter to Everyone in the Event of My Likely Demise While Hiking the Appalachian Trail
by Eliese Colette Goldbach (5/7/2015)

An Open Letter to the Former Owner of My Queen-Size Bed
by Catherine Tung (4/24/2015)

An Open Letter to The South, My Southern Baptist Pharmacy School, and a Job Recruiter
by Deroe-Asha Davis-Weeks (4/16/2015)

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Discovered the 10,000 Hour Rule
by Ann Cinzar (4/2/2015)

An Open Letter to the Braxton-Hicks Contractions That Hit a Student in My First Period 10th Grade English Class
by Mr. Dickson (3/27/2015)

An Open Letter to the Sociology Professor at My University Who Wrote a Letter to the Editor Saying “I Don’t Think That a Single Woman Has Been Assaulted On This Campus in My 33 Years Here.”
by Meg Thompson (3/20/2015)

An Open Letter to People Who Fawn Over My Wheelchair
by Laura Hyde (3/13/2015)

An Open Letter to Women Who Shame Catcalling
by Wendy Litner (2/27/2015)

An Open Letter to People I Hardly Know But Who Hug Me Anyway
by Susan Gilbert Guerrant (1/23/2015)

An Open Letter to Semicolon Abusers
by Alex Rosenfeld (1/16/2015)

An Open Letter to the Sneakers Hanging Over a Power Line on East Lake Sammamish Parkway
by Kim Kankiewicz (1/8/2015)

An Open Letter to America from a Public School Teacher
by Michael Mau (12/12/2014)

An Open Letter to the Blonde Woman in the Stock Photo of Millennials Drinking Wine
by David Weinstein (12/5/2014)

An Open Letter to My Beloved Woolly Armpits
by Jennifer Burns (11/21/2014)

An Open Letter to the Adorable Young Couple Leisurely Strolling By As I Frantically Usher My Children into My Rav4
by Angela Cardinale (11/6/2014)

An Open Letter to People Who Sell Sofas On Craigslist
by Angie Pelekidis (10/24/2014)

An Open Letter to Anyone Tempted to Borrow a Handicap Placard
by Nancy Hendrickson (10/10/2014)

An Open Letter to Vogue Magazine About Big Booties
by Stephanie Slinkard (10/3/2014)

An Open Letter to a Traveling Salesman, Sugar Camp, Wisconsin, Circa 1996
by Anna Vodicka (9/26/2014)

An Open Letter to My Late Paternal Grandfather
by Katherine Kubler (8/29/2014)

An Open Letter to the Passing Motorist Who Suggested I Take a Photograph of His Dick
by Cirrus Robert Wood (8/22/2014)

An Open Letter to Busta Rhymes
by Mike Levine (7/31/2014)

An Open Letter to the People Who Decide Which Women’s Apparel Catalogs to Send Me
by Hana Schank (7/25/2014)

An Open Letter to Myself When I Had Seven Cats
by Jen Bingham (7/18/2014)

An Open Letter to Balding Men from a Bald Man
by Keith Plocek (6/27/2014)

An Open Letter to the Songwriters of “Let It Go.”
by Stephen Ornes (6/6/2014)

An Open Letter to the Former Owner of Our House
by Katherine Heiny (5/23/2014)

An Open Letter to Your Unreadable Hashtag
by Elizabeth Ann Entenman (5/2/2014)

An Open Letter to My Ex-Fiancé About My Recent Arm Amputation
by Amalie Brettschneider (3/24/2014)

An Open Letter to the Temporary Employment Agency That Keeps Lying to Me About How Good a Job Is
by Ellen Waddell (2/28/2014)

An Open Letter to Men On the Subway, Specifically During Morning Rush Hour On the A Train Between Jay Street and Canal
by Jenna Clark Embrey (2/21/2014)

An Open Letter to the Ugly Mug I Painted at Paint A Dream Last Weekend
by Beth Thomas (2/12/2014)

An Open Letter to an Open Letter to an Open Letter
by Gene Morgan (2/4/2014)

An Open Letter to the Men Who Ask Me Where I’m From as a Means of Initiating a Romance
by Homa Mojtabai (1/23/2014)

An Open Letter to the Man On Match.com Who Emailed Me to Fix a Grammar Mistake On My Profile Page
by Kate Susa (1/17/2014)

An Open Letter to My Anorexia
by Shannon Frost Greenstein (1/10/2014)

An Open Letter to Paleo Diet Enthusiasts
by Lea Baylis (11/13/2013)

An Open Letter to Truckers from Your Adopt-a-Highway Volunteer
by Michelle Webster-Hein (10/18/2013)

An Open Letter to Straight Men
by Brandon Ambrosino (10/4/2013)

An Open Letter to the Lady at the Farmers’ Market and the Lady at the Apple Store Who Offered Me Their Unwanted Condolences for Expecting a Second Baby Boy
by Stacy Biscardi (8/23/2013)

An Open Letter to the Mango Fly Larva Living in My Left Buttock
by Juliana Peluso
 (8/9/2013)

An Open Letter to My Ex-Boyfriend’s Mother
by Julia Edelman (7/26/2013)

An Open Letter to My Two-CD Set of Miles Davis’s Bitches Brew
by David Hart (7/12/2013)

An Open Letter to #fitgirls
by Emma Froggatt (7/2/2013)

An Open Letter to the Hot Canadian Zumba Teacher Who Pulled Me Onstage After My Mother Died
by C. Evelyn (5/24/2013)

An Open Letter to My Toddler Regarding His Use of My iPhone
by Lauren Apfel (4/26/2013)

An Open Letter to My Fellow Bachelor of Environmental Studies Graduates, Class of 2013
by Claire Hamilton (4/19/2013)

An Open Letter of Thanks to the Guy With the Smirking Look of Disdain and Superiority When I Try to Upsell Him at My Dead-End Retail Job
by Daniel Callahan (4/12/2013)

An Open Letter to Andrea Angrum, Site Director for NASA’s Voyager Program
by Juan Carlos Llorca (4/5/2013)

An Open Letter to Canonical Authors
by Daniel Wallace (3/22/2013)

An Open Letter to Steve Regarding His Stay at My House While I’m Gone
by Jim Stallard (3/14/2013)

An Open Letter to Arabic Labials
by Lance Schaubert (3/1/2013)

An Open Letter to Targeted Online Advertisers
by Molly Schoemann (2/15/2013)

An Open Letter to My 1994 High School Class Regarding My Designation of “Most Likely to Succeed.”
by Eric Corpus (1/25/2013)

An Open Letter to Self-Interrupters
by Chris G. (1/18/2013)

An Open Letter to the Today Show
by Meg Thompson (1/11/2013)

An Open Letter to the Elf On the Fucking Shelf
by Jennifer Scharf (12/21/2012)

An Open Letter to the Job Market
by Danielle Leduc (12/7/2012)

An Open Letter to Facebook’s New Privacy Policy
by Jessica Olien (11/30/2012)

An Open Letter to the Phrase “Having Said That.”
by Crystal Galyean (11/9/2012)

An Open Letter to Co-Dependent Parents Who Are Raising Overly Dependent Children
by Michael Whalen (10/26/2012)

An Open Letter to People Who Use the “Battle” Metaphor for Other People Who Have the Distinct Displeasure of Cancer
by Aria Jones (10/19/2012)

An Open Letter to the Dude-Bros Who Yelled “U.S.A! U.S.A.!” at a Lynyrd Skynyrd Concert
by Kelly K. Ferguson (10/12/2012)

An Open Letter to People Who Google and Subsequently Attempt to Contact “Rachel Farrell.”
by Rachel Farrell (10/5/2012)

An Open Letter to the Childhood Icon I Happen to Be Meeting With in a Professional Capacity
by Kaite Welsh (9/28/2012)

An Open Letter to Jif Peanut Butter
by Will Kaufman (9/21/2012)

An Open Letter to the Look That Slowly Forms On Your Face When I Tell You I Am a Librarian
by Becca Brody (9/14/2012)

An Open Letter to the People in Charge of Commercials Targeting Women
by Elaina DeBoard (9/7/2012)

An Open Letter to the Mix Tape Made for Me By My College Boyfriend, Now Deceased
by Summer Brennan (8/24/2012)

An Open Letter to the City and County Inspector Who Fined Me $500 Even Though the Weeds in My Front Lawn Were Well Under the 6” Regulation Height
by Abigail Templeton-Greene (7/20/2012)

An Open Letter to Natalie Portman’s Character in Mars Attacks!
by Kit McCann (7/13/2012)

An Open Letter to People Who Take Pictures of Food With Instagram
by Katherine Markovich (6/29/2012)

An Open Letter to My Fitness Counselor Regarding My Lack of Response to Her Recent Inquiries
by Liz Thomas (6/22/2012)

An Open Letter to the State of Pennsylvania
by B.R. Cohen (6/15/2012)

An Open Letter to the Kid Scooping Raisins Out of the Bulk Bin and Dumping Them On the Floor
by Genevieve Knapp (6/8/2012)

An Open Letter to the Mammogram Machine at Beth Israel Hospital
by Amelia Blanquera (6/1/2012)

An Open Letter to Myself the Day After the 2004 Presidential Election
by Joey Camire (5/25/2012)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.