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A D V E N T U R E S   W I T H
J O N A T H A N   A M E S .

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CLUB   EXISTENTIAL   DREAD
PART   IV

BY JONATHAN AMES

The following is my diary from a week I spent at a Club Med resort located in Turks and Caicos, a small chain of magnificent islands in the British West Indies. I originally wrote this diary for Details magazine, but they chose not to publish it. I'm not sure why they didn't go for it, but I think I didn't file the kind of report they were looking for.

Day 4, July 5
11:36 a.m.

Went to the nurse again this morning, but there was a young, pretty one today. She said: "You are very white."

This wounded me a little; I thought I had some color. I've gone from alabaster to pale. She didn't a wear rubber glove, which was nice, made me feel quasihuman.

10:30 p.m.

The place is putting its spell on me. Despite my best intentions, I feel happy. Sat on the beach and read. Kept thinking to myself the insipid banal thought: "This is the life." Then I went snorkeling. On the boat to the reef, I met a lively cute girl, K., a brunette with a nice figure. She put sunblock on my back. Not a nurse! She said, "I love the smell of this stuff."

"It smells like a creamsicle," I said.

"I want to eat your sunblock," K. said.

She asked me to be her snorkeling partner. Her crotch, underwater, as I swam behind her, was very appealing—the necessary and lovely parting of her legs.

I spotted an enormous stingray and two six-foot nurse sharks. Supposedly they don't attack. It was scary, but K. was intrepid, following them, so I had to as well.

I had dinner with K. and her friends. They told me that everyone was fucking on the beach at night. Then K. told me about this girl who was sharing a room with another girl —this girl didn't come with a friend and they housed her with a stranger. To save money, some people share rooms. So every night this girl could hear her roommate masturbating. I said to K., "What did the girl say it sounded like? There was moaning?"

"I asked the same question," K. said. "She wasn't moaning. The girl said it sounded like this—" and with that K. took her lower lip, pinched it, and shook it back and forth, recreating the sound of a clit being stroked rapidly. All the girls laughed.

After dinner, like every night, there was entertainment. Tonight there was a sweet competition between four couples to elect the best couple of Club Med, like King and Queen of the prom, continuing the theme of "this is high school." But everything is high school. Maybe everything is just fucking life and high school was a part of life. A couple from my home state of New Jersey won, which made me proud. There are a few people from NJ. Most of the people are from Canada, New York, and LA. Three countries.

I'm watching a Planet of the Apes marathon.

I'm going to call P. Been missing her. Looking forward to talking to her.

Day 5, July 6
11:30 a.m.

Had a terrible phone call with P. last night. A fight. It lasted an hour. She's upset that I'm at Club Med. Feel all hungover from the fight. God only knows how much that phone call will cost.

K. and her friends left today and the doppelgänger left. All my friends are gone.

MORE CLUB MED

 

 

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