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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE GENTLEMAN THAT ALMOST KILLED ME THE OTHER DAY Dear Sir, Letters of this nature are never easy to write—one becomes uncomfortable at the prospect of the perceptions of the addressee after the receipt of such a letter. Social friction tends to be unpleasant, and although working through these issues can be difficult, it is best to limit the damage done by talking as civilized people. I truly believe that any ideological and personal difference can be resolved through exchanging thoughts and opinions in a free and respectful environment that fosters growth and human dignity. My views of the events are as follows: My associates from my company and I were having our daily lunch meeting at our usual dining area. This, of course, involves a great deal of preparation and reservation (especially finding clean water for the heater), and a lot had gone into the planning. As we prepared to begin an enjoyable lunch of beef with mushrooms on a wild rice pilaf, around a table of fellowship and ideas, you caused quite a fuss by detonating your improvised explosive device that was (apparently) hidden under an abandoned car across the street. Simply put, sir: I am a bit perturbed that you attempted to kill me with your IED. I can assure you that this action was very distasteful from a social standpoint, if it was indeed your intention. If this was the case, then I am somewhat offended. I should like you to understand that this is only my perception of events. Perhaps you did not intend for the shrapnel and general explosive power of a kilogram of Semtex to be taken as offensive. In fact, sir, I should like you to know that I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, if you will ensure me that the device was built for a reason other than to kill my associates and me. Bomb-building may be a personal hobby of yours, and I do not wish to foster ill will between my company and your people by attempting to deprive you of this hobby. However, you must understand that after the second building collapsed and I had dug the third piece of shrapnel from my shoulder using my bayonet, I realized that the amicable mood of the lunch had been completely lost and would not be recoverable under any circumstances. The Baath Party loyalist who started shooting at us only cemented this feeling. I am certain we would never have come under fire were it not for your poorly timed explosion. Even if your intent was not to kill my squad and me, it irks me that not only did I barely escape the dark grip of Thanatos, but that my lunch, a Beef with Mushrooms MRE (#19), which I have before stated that I had looked forward to all day, was ruined. Your timing was very bad in this particular detonation, and even if you never had the intention of attempting to mutilate my associates and me so badly that they'd have to identify us by our teeth, I still feel I am owed an apology for this. Sincerely, "An Anonymous Military Coward"
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