Get To Know An
Internet Commenter.
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Kevin Collier searches the Internet for people who comment a lot, then copies and pastes a fair representation of their output. These are all real comments, and to the best of his knowledge they are typed in earnest.
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TRIDENT32.
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Name: TRIDENT32
Location: usatoday.com discussion boards
Gender: Male
Profession: Pilot
Style: All caps
On football:
"I CALL IT THROW BALL SINCE THE FOOT IS RARELY USED!"
On celebrity endorsements:
"I THINK A BUNCH OF PLAY ACTORS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CREDIBILITY! JUST LOOK AT THEIR LIFE STYLES ! I LAUGH WHEN ONE COMES ON TV TO GIVE ADVICE!"
Selected remarks for those with whom he disagrees:
"YOU MUST BE THE PRESIDENT OF LIARS INTERNATIONAL!"
"I'M A GARBAGE DISPOSAL AND I'M COMING FOR YOU!"
On whether anyone has an Arctic Cat for sale:
"DOES ANYONE HAVE AN ARCTIC CAT FOR SALE?"
On beer:
"THAT IS THE MAIN REASON BEER WAS INVENTED! A FEW DRINKS AND YOU WILL LIKE YOU ARE VARY WITTY AND INTELLIGENT PERSON!"
On wrapping beef in aluminum foil and cooking it on a car's engine, back before the interstate:
I DECIDED TO TRAVEL DOWN ROUT 66! THIS WAS BEFORE THE INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS! I WOULD BUY SOME ALUMINUM FOIL A POTATO AND AN ONION AND A POUND OF HAMBURGER! I WOULD SLICE THE POTATO AND ONION AND MAKE THE HAMBURGER INTO PATTIES! IN THE FOIL I WOULD PLACE THE POTATO SLICE THEN THE HAMBURGER AND THE ONION AND SEAL THEM ALL UP! I WOULD PLACE THE PACKETS ON THE INTAKE MANIFOLD OF MY DODGE AND TRAVEL FOR A HOUR! AFTER THAT I WOULD PULL INTO A PICNIC AREA AND EAT A GOOD MEAL!
On preventing E.Coli:
"GIVE THE COWS A COLON CLEANSER! ANYONE CARE TO GIVE A COE AN ENEMA?"
On his spell checker:
"COW!!!! DANGED SPELL CHECKER! I WILL HAVE TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH IT!"
"I JUST FIRED MY SPELL CHECKER"
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